Hop and Ryana have some good, clena family fun - right before going out to mark their territory in the back yard.

Diver: Hop and Ryan at A&L Coors
Interesting Facts: When the zombie apocalypse comes, we’ll be doing yoga on our well-watered lawns.
 

Dear Diver,
I’ve been going to the same yoga class for several months and there is a chick in my class that is driving me crazy - so not Zen, I know. She comes to class and basically does her own routine, never following the instruction of the teacher and it’s distracting as hell. It’s like, why even come to class if you’re acting as your own teacher? Any advice on how to cope with a rogue ?
– Namaste

Downward Dog,
I know little to nothing about yoga, but your question reminded me of something Yogi Berra once said, “If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.” He also said “Never answer an anonymous letter.” Genius or idiot? You decide. Still, I never thought of yoga as a team sport, but it appears that it is. Yogi knew something about team sports and maybe 90 percent of yoga is half mental. Let it go. Focus on your own thing.
– Uttanasanna

Dear Diver,
There’s this old guy who lives down the street from me, and as far as I can tell all he does is sit around all day and wait for some poor unsuspecting person to happen by so he can yell at them about walking on the grass, letting their dog pee or parking too close to “his spot.” I have nicknamed him the “Neighborhood Tyrant.” Is this where we’re all headed when we get old? How do I get the Tyrant to loosen up or maybe find a different hobby?
– Feeling Feudal

Dear Punk,
Seriously? This guy is reliving Gran Torino? He is obviously bored. Do you know if he has a gun? My answer completely changes if he has a gun. Stay far away from him if he’s potentially armed; if not, get to know him. Take him cookies, perhaps with ever increasing amounts of THC. He’ll mellow out soon enough. I bet he’s got great stories.
– Geezer

Dear Diver,
My husband insists on continually using the back yard as his personal latrine, despite the fact there is a perfectly good bathroom within a few feet. Is this some sort of “dude” thing, like marking his territory? I find it disgusting, not to mention what the neighbors must think. He claims he is just “watering the grass.” Please, help me housetrain my husband.
– Pet Peeve

Diver 1: Once thought to be a canine behavior, marking of one’s territory using urine has now been noted among many of the world’s creatures. In the case of your husband, you are facing a mixed bag of primal instinct and convenience.

As men, we must always be wary of our perceived territory being invaded. In this modern age, a man is often confused by his place in the vast socio-economic machine in which he lives. His “marking” of his territory is actually a way to try and hang onto one small piece of his world. It is most likely that the back yard is his last refuge, his “hunting ground” so to speak. I assume the scented candles, family pictures, mass-manufactured sail boat artworks, etc., tell him the interior of his home is not really his.

The other part of this behavior is pure convenience. From a woman’s perspective, the bowl of a toilet seems plenty wide for its intended use. I assure you, though, from a standing position, the target becomes much smaller. The yard on the other hand, is virtually mess free. This actually works out in your favor, especially when unexpected company arrives, the panic of a dirty bathroom will not plague your thoughts. So, embrace your Neanderthal, give him the back yard and his grill, and enjoy the cleanliness that comes with it. The neighbors will understand.

Diver 2: Peeing outside is a dude thing that I’ve been known to participate in occasionally. Usually after enjoying a few frosty beverages. Imagine my wife’s embarrassment, since we live within plain view of a highway. A buddy of mine even wrote an ode to peeing outside: “There’s nothing as essentially good as taking a pee in the wood.” I mentioned there were beverages involved, right? As long as he spreads it out and doesn’t kill the grass, let it ride.
– Lawn Boys

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