Ear to the ground:

“Who’s the ****ing genius who decided to make Flonase smell like flowers?”
– Allergy sufferer on the cruel joke perpetuated by pharmaceutical companies

On a roll

Need a little inspiration to get off the couch and start your Iron Horse training? Or perhaps you’re a dyed-in-your-woolies hardcore maniac, whose chamois gets in a wad each year as roadie season kicks into high gear. Or better yet, if you’re like us, maybe you just like to hear about French wine and all the latest doping scandals.

Whatever your bent, it’s likely that Bobke TV has some entertainment value for you.

Of course, we’re referring to local cycling and comedic Tour de Force, Bob Roll. Also known as Bobke, for reasons we can only conjecture, he recently launched his own Youtube channel, where he regularly dispenses quality information on everything from dealing with wheel-suckers to catching up on the latest cycling gossip.

Pertaining to the former, he answers a question from Southern Cal – aka “Southern Calcutta” – about the dreaded dilemma of having a leach on one’s rear wheel. To remedy the situation, he relies on the advice of fellow local cycling legend “Johnny T” Tomac – who, incidentally, he refers to as “one of the greatest American cyclist of all time.”

“Start slowing down,” Roll advises, “until they fall over. That is the perfect thing to do.”

Then, it’s time for a taste of their own medicine. “Get on their wheel and they’ll have to tow you all over the county.”

But lest you think this is just the stuff of ultra bike geeks, Roll shows he’s not afraid to wax about some of life’s more refined and sophisticated topics – and enjoy a mid-day swig. Take his “Wine of the Week” segment, which comes complete with live tasting in what appears to be a real wine glass. Although his picks can be a bit pricey – such as the Billecart Salmon Grand Cru, which goes for about $70 – not to worry. Some of the headache that will inevitably come the next day can be offset buying by the case, as he does, for the 20 percent discount.

And once those tiny bubbles go straight to your head, chances are you’ll forget all about training for the ride to Silverton or the tres steep price tag. “One of the most satisfying sounds in all of consumption,” he quips as he expertly uncorks the bottle en route to offering tasting notes. “Crisp apple, almonds and lovely, buttery brioche, with a tight acidity,” he extols between gulps. “Sumptuous, mouth-watering elegance that’s quite delightful.”

And if you are so emboldened after a little nip of the bubbly as to get on your bike and go for a spin, remember: drinking and biking don’t mix. Unless, of course, you’re French.