Beth polishes off a fat bowl in the KSUT bathroom.

Diver: Beth Lamberson Warren
Interesting fact:  Beth, a Durango resident of 33 years, is leaving our fair city for the masses of Chico, Calif. She has washed many a dish in her time, including using the bathtub at KSUT to clean out the big bowls from food donated during the pledge drive. While known for her colorful use of language, in 20 plus years on local radio, she has never once dropped the F-bomb (or the S-bomb) on-air.  

Dear Diver,
I have a big milestone birthday coming up. My wife has been strangely quiet on the subject of a celebration. I fear she is planning a surprise party. Only thing is, I hate surprise parties – or surprises of any sort. Please – how do find out what she’s up to and tactfully explain I do not like the feeling of people plotting behind my back nor do I like being the center of attention.
– Party Pooper

Dear Pooper,
I’d be more concerned about the fact that she’s being very quiet in light of you having a big milestone birthday.  She may have a guy on the line that actually likes surprises and isn’t hitting a geezer milepost. And then you’ll not only be surprised but the center of attention when the kids start calling the golf caddie, “daddy.”
– Surprisingly yours,  The Diver

Dear Diver,
What ever happened to Little Beaver? Last time I saw him, he wasn’t looking so great and well, he hasn’t been around lately. You’d think if he moved on to the great detective case in the sky there at least would’ve been an obituary. Please, diver, just tell me he is working deep undercover.
– Desperately Seeking Beaver

Dear Beaver Seeker,
As many miles as that sweet man plodded around our town, one foot faithfully in front of another – my guess is he’s training endurance athletes and creating philosophical postings about the life of a private detective. It’s nice that you care about him with his absence. Perhaps one day he will just materialize here before our very eyes.
– Keeping my eyes peeled, The Diver

Dear Diver,
The conditions of the employee restroom at my office are deplorable. Either we’re out of T.P. or someone leaves the seat up or missed the bowl all together and it winds up all over the seat or in a puddle on the floor. Where were these people raised? Do we all need a course in remedial potty training?
– Slipping and Sliding

Dear Pooper, ’e,r Slider,
I say Go Pro! Mount false cameras in the bathroom on top of the toilet and on the walls.  Put up as many as you can, all facing the possible offending puddle maker.  You don’t have to have any of them work.  Just the sight of many video eyes upon your co-workers will either scare the piss out of them or they will hold it until quitting time. If that doesn’t work, pull the old plastic wrap trick so they have to live with their own liquid failure.
– May they all pee freely, The Diver