Charlie delivers you from your problems.

Diver: Charlie, on the street for an un-named global delivery company.
Interesting fact: We don’t look in the packages; if you forgot what you ordered, you’ll have to open the box.

Dearest Diver,
I always get these free address labels in the mail from various nonprofit organizations as an incentive to donate. Is it OK to use the labels even if I don’t ever donate? I feel guilty, but wouldn’t it be even worse to waste them?
– Torn

Dear Torn,
Yes, it’s the best recycling you could do. And by not donating, you are discouraging the “non-profit” from printing and sending more. And don’t even look at the pictures – just pull the labels. If you feel really bad, simply trim their logo off the left edge.
– Efficiency & thrift, the Diver

Dear Diver,
What is the proper utensil for eating mac ’n’ cheese – a fork or a spoon? A fork is easier for picking the noodles up with, but a spoon gets every last drop of the creamy, cheesy goodness. Or do I need both? It’s so complicated.

– Mac Max

Dear Mac Max,
It depends how ability impaired you are when the mac urge hits. I’m guessing that you have a kitchen drawer full of wrapped plastic sporks and taco sauce packets. Use both – the sporks are disposable and you’ll be surprised how well that sauce pairs with Mac, Max.

Why do you think they call it dope, anyway?
– Diver

Dear Diver,
Every day on my way to work, I pass by the same panhandler. He doesn’t say a word, just holds a sign asking for money. I have never given him any, but lately I have been feeling like I should at least throw him a bone, if for nothing more than his perseverance. Is this a slippery slope? Will he start to depend on me to give him money every day? And shouldn’t I be suspicious that he’s there every day – shouldn’t he have enough money by now?
– Penny Pincher

Dear PP,
Relax – it’s not your job to save the world. Evidently, it’s not anyone’s job. Or maybe it was the panhandler’s job and he got terminated for not doing it, so he turned to this. Luckily, the season is winding down and they’ll be making their way to warmer climes, not unlike our second home-owners, except without the homes. By next year at this time, we’ll have a new president, and they’ll be taken care of, one way or the other.
– What would Little Beaver do? The Diver