Taking a walk on the wild side

The sun is beginning to cast a faded light through the worn-out air. Barefoot, my best friend and I have spent tireless hours stomping down the long marsh grass to carve out rooms and hallways. Now is the time for rest. In the “living room” we recline on the folded grass and see only the sky above. The other world of houses and parents and school seems a distant memory. From far away, we hear a red-winged blackbird and the even farther away cries of my brothers, one who claims he can run as fast as a cheetah across these Indiana marshlands. Soon the sun will dip toward the tree line. The locusts will start their evening symphony. The street lights will come on, and we will remember our other homes, the ones with walls sturdier than grass and air that does not move. But for now, we are watchful and silent, tethered to the world only by our heartbeats through the grass.

This picture of a wild child, who spends her days in the woods or marshes or deserts, away from the watchful eyes of parents, was not a rarity 30 or 60 years ago. The generation before mine tells similar stories about exploring the world as a child, listening to one’s internal wisdom, relating with the natural world. Unattended children in an urban setting were not a source for concern. My mom would drop us off at the pool for the day. Water from the drinking fountain and jelly packets from the concession stand were our sustenance, and we were happy. This is not the case for the typical American child today. According to the National Wildlife Federation, the average child now spends about 30 unsupervised minutes outside a day. And an unattended child walking from a park to home is cause for alarm, sparking debate about how children should be supervised.

Granted, I have only been a parent for four years, and I have a lot to learn, but I strive to be a “free range” parent. A couple months ago, I was at a Durango grocery store when I spotted a 2-year-old in overalls loitering by the deli. After about five minutes, the little guy was still alone, so I asked if he wanted to come along with my little ones and I. We continued our shopping, still not encountering the parent. When I went to check out, the cashier said this small person came in with his dad a lot and that when he did, the cashier hung out with him when he wasn’t exploring. On this particular day, the dad had an informal meeting with someone at the store so the son was on his own, if he so chose, for the length of the meeting.
What life skills are achieved by the free-ranging child? Confidence. Resilience. Wonder. When offered the invitation to encounter the world on one’s own terms, the underlying assumption is that the child is capable.  A growing person needs to know that he or she is trusted to make decisions and to experience life in its unfolding. With each new encounter successfully navigated, a child gains confidence. This leads to resilience. Whatever challenge may emerge, the growing human has the skills to meet the challenge. 

It is important that children learn that the world, particularly the natural world, is not singularly a place of peril and danger. As wild lands shrink due to the sprawl of “civilization,” it is the responsibility of the wild one in each of us to maintain the thread of connection. Fear detracts from this experience and has become a sickness in our society. We are meant to have regular contact with the outside world. We were once a species who thrived through this contact. My goal is to remind my children of this and learn from them how to experience life through a sense of wonder and not fear. When alone in the quiet sanctuary of a forest, my time is best spent listening to the swishing of the branches in the wind, watching the scurrying of a spider, feeling the sun on my skin and wondering at the sacredness of it all, and not spending too much time on the wandering fears of my thinking self.

As with any parenting or life-navigating suggestions, there are pitfalls. A few weeks ago, when our little family went camping in Southeastern Utah (an experience I whole-heartedly recommend), I went on a short hike and told my partner that he was in charge of the kids. He was talking and didn’t hear me, and I was surprised, 10 minutes later, to see our 2-year-old daughter toddling down the canyon to the exact spot where I was sitting. How did she, out of all possible directions, choose the one that led to me? What might have happened if she chose a different direction? Next time, we are making sure both kids wear whistles around their necks.

There is also the concern of how to provide this free-range experience when our lives are so filled with activities and agendas. I recommend a lightening of the leash within one’s daily life. “Please go find three avocadoes,” I might say to my 4-year-old, at which point he sparks a conversation with the woman near the pomegranates.

There can also be unsupervised time in your yard or park. Try cracking a window and checking in from time to time or enjoying some “solo” time in the sun while he or she plays. As with anything in life, I believe in starting small and dreaming big.

My third recommendation involves regular sojourns to the woods or desert. We are blessed to live surrounded by trails with wilderness a short drive away. Not long ago, I took my kids to Hog’s Back and set them free in a small wash. I knew we wouldn’t encounter anyone, as we were off the trail, and that following the wash would eventually lead them back to the trailhead. And so I unveiled my ghostly skin to the early spring sun, peeled a grapefruit and sat with my back against a tree, listening as the small voices discussing the search for dinosaur bones faded in the distance. I stayed for as long as I was comfortable. And then I followed the small footprints in the sand, back out of the woods.

– Sarah Rankin