Cody Green, from 1987, seen here with his spectacularly quaffed family.

Diver: Cody Green
Interesting Facts: People on the Internet will give you lots of money. All you have to do is get a little naked.

Dear Diver,
This winter’s abnormally hot, dry weather has me worried. So far, I have only eight days on my pass and two days in the backcountry. I came to Colorado to ski and all I’ve done this season is ride my bike to the bars. Are the climate doomsayers right? Is it time to find a new “winter” pasttime? And if so what? Please, Diver help - the spare tire is getting bigger by the day.
– Bar Fly

Dear probably doesn’t even care anymore,
Well, well, well, look what we have here. Our desperate calls for snow have been answered, and the great people of this precious mountain community revel and frolic in all its glory. Your desperate call for a new winter pastime is now looked on as pathetic and determines a certain feebleness to your character. Patience is virtuous my friend. Enjoy yourself.
– The Diver

Dear Diver,
So, a few weeks back, I went out of town for a week and came back to find the city parking nazis had put a ticket on the windshield of my car (which was parked on the street) for expired tags! Aside from reaching a new low in tax extortion tactics, is this even legal? Seems highly suspect (the tags, by the way, had arrived in my p.o. box but I was not home to put them on.)
– Road Rage

Dear Everybody,
That’s it! This is the last straw. My fellow automobile operators, we must rise up and take a stand against these ruthless bigots. Time and time again, we have rediscovered our vehicles to reveal this orange envelope containing yet another minor consequence for a completely forgivable mistake. And now this, my friend Road Rage here has received a ticket for expired tags on a car that wasn’t even in motion, Jiminy H. Cricket! This is a call to remove our windshield wipers in order to blow the minds of the parking popo when they try to find a new spot for their stupid little tickets.
– The Diver

Dear Diver,
My friends and I are trying to plan our spring break, but we all seem to be a little light on funds. What ideas does the diver have for a great getaway from the books that won’t break the bank? We are open to anything.
– Bargain Hunter

Dear Cheapskate,
Last night, I had a dream, you were in it. The two of us were just strolling down the beach right after a breathtaking Mexican sunset, we shared laughter and stories and merrily drank ‘til our hearts content. We tossed around in the sand for a while until the gods of slumber pulled the lids over our eyes, leaving us vulnerable to the elements. When I came to, you were nowhere to be found. Most likely, you were swooped up and sold into the human trafficking game. Such a shame, maybe just stay home and get drunk this year.
– The Diver