Laid-back Walt from Fields to Plate.

Diver: Walt, Fields to Plate Produce
Interesting Fact: In nonclinical studies, beet juice has been found to be more effective than Viagra.

Dear Diver,

So, in an effort to get in good with this girl, I may have fibbed a slight bit. When we met, she told me she loved to dance and before I could shut the front door, I blurted out “Me too!” Which of course is a total lie - not only do I hate dancing, I am horrible at it. Well now, things have progressed along nicely, and she keeps asking me when we’re going dancing. As a result, I am heaping more lies upon lies, using excuses like work, sick dogs, twisted ankles. Now what do I do? Please Diver, I can’t keep “dancing around” the issue forever.

– Two Left Feet

Dear Bro,

I face this problem as well. I blame my parents, they can’t dance, it’s just not in my genes. It really puts a damper on our “game” you know? And certainly ruins any dreams of being a Chippendale’s dancer someday. You’re doing very well, and I would suggest to continue trying to avoid the dreaded dance. Even if you find yourself in some hippie mosh pit downtown say, “I’m just not into this jam” or “I don’t feel like I can express my art here.” This creates some mysteriousness, she’ll love it. After it has become obvious that you’re avoiding dancing, suggest that it means so much to you that you would rather wait till you’re married to dance with her. You’re saving your dance self for marriage. I’m sure she will respect that. Her affinity for dancing is probably just about burning calories anyway and you can always suggest an alternative to get in some good cardio.

– Break a leg, The Diver

Dear Diver,

The ski season isn’t even over and it’s already time to buy next year’s pass. Truth be told after this marginal winter, I am really sitting on the fence. I only got seven days on my pass this year – which didn’t even come close to breaking even. But then if I don’t buy one, it’s almost guaranteed to be an epic season next year. Please help me solve this dilemma – and do it soon, deadline for early bird rate is April 30.

– Out in the Cold

Dear Frozen Member,

Well I’m a little late on this one my friend, but hopefully you didn’t buy one and the rest of us are “almost guaranteed” an epic winter. I wouldn’t stress too much, though. Soon most of our Colorado resorts will be covered in Snowflex®, and we will be able to enjoy the slopes every day of the year. Skiing is a rich white-man’s sport, that’s what I hear. I’m sure the less-fortunate folks in the area love the mild winter. By the way, those homeless guys under the bridge are insane dancers, you (we) should hit them up for some lessons, Two Left Feet.

– Fair Weather Diver

Dear Diver,

I desperately am in need of a new car, but the finances just don’t allow. Plus, seeing as how I really don’t drive all that much, I can’t justify the expense. as such, I have decided to just hang onto my faithful old Suby, which despite her low mileage is really starting to show her age. What ideas does the diver have to soup up the old gal and get her running like a champ again?

– Driver’s Seat

Dear holding on to the past,

Forget getting her running like a champ. Rough running, beat up cars are trending right now. Once you’ve made the decision to hold onto an old car, you have to make sure you squeeze every penny out of it. You can look at your faithful old Suby as an instrument for a business opportunity. Throw a mattress in the back and put up an Airb’n’b listing. I’m sure you’ll get some hits if you title it “The real Durango experience”.

– Backseat Diver