Ear to the ground:

“My drive to work is really boring.”
– Soon-to-be-ex-employee explaining why he habitually shows up to work stoned

Open and shut case

When BREW Kitchen and Pub owners Lainie and Erik Maxson arrived at work last week to discover a door to a freezer was missing, it defied even the most drunken of “Hangover “ shenanigans.
The freezer, which the couple had recently bought, suddenly stopped working. The faulty appliance was dispatched to the alley until they could contact and arrange return with the seller, who unfortunately, was located in Las Vegas.
However, a bad situation became tragically comic when the door to the dead appliance suddenly disappeared.
Lainie, who in full disclosure is also the Telegraph’s ad aficionado, placed an ad for the missing door in the Telegraph.
Joey Ernst, owner of Velorution Cycles, saw the ad and realized he had seen the door on a ride a few days earlier. Only problem was, he couldn’t remember which ride.
“I remember riding by it and thinking, ‘What’s that doing out here?’” said Ernst. (In his defense, he was training for this weekend’s Arizona Trail Race. Even though he is only doing the “short” 300-mile version, we will excuse him on the grounds of oxygen deficit.) While Ernst could not pinpoint the exact location, he narrowed it down to the Mountain Park, Raider Ridge or Sailing Hawks.
An army of friends set out to comb the usual suspects in the Mountain Park but came up empty-handed. And just when they thought the trail had grown cold, a call came in from Sailing Hawks on Monday night. A man going by “Danny” saw the door and called its rightful owners after – ahem – seeing it in the Telegraph. The door was safely returned later that night, only slightly worse for the wear.
No questions were asked, although, one can’t help but wonder. Extreme strong man competition? Alien ship landing strip? A deranged appliance repair man?   
The world may never know, but the Maxsons are just glad the case is closed. “We’re drawing straws to see who has to drive it back,” said Lainie. For the record, Erik lost. Maybe he’ll be luckier at blackjack.

King of the mountain

The 18th annual Elk Mountains Grand Traverse went off without a hitch last weekend, with none other than Durango’s Scott Simmons and partner Paul Hamilton (Telegraph March 12) taking top honors and bragging rights.
The two not only beat their nearest competitors – J. Marshall Thomson of Crested Butte and Rob Krar of Flagstaff – by 10 minutes, but they set a new course record in the process.  Simmons and Hamilton made the 40 miles from C.B. to Aspen in a blistering six hours, 44 minutes and 35 seconds.