Pa & Ma KDUR offer wholesome advice.

Diver: Ma & Pa KDUR, should probably just stick to telling you what to listen to: Tune in to KDUR at 91.9 & 93.9FM
Interesting Facts: KDUR was once sent a package of “Candwich, the Sandwich in a Can” and Liggett, a collector of oddities, still has a few proudly displayed in his office. 

Dear Diver,
I witnessed a guy in a mega-truck with big smoke stacks let out a huge puff of black smoke onto a bicyclist who he was passing (“coal-rolling” they call it...a new trend amongst assholes). So, if I see that truck in a parking lot somewhere and no one is around, do I have a moral obligation to smash each and every head/taillight on it?
– Thanks, Buckeroo

Mr. Buckeroo,
So you want to damage someone’s truck because of something he did to a cyclist that wasn’t you? When I was in high school this kid Norman tried to break up a fight between two people he didn’t know. While trying to break up the fight, Norman was punched, had his jaw broken and spent the next two months eating soup with his mouth wired shut. Now I’m no expert, but I would imagine someone with a mega-truck and smoke stacks wouldn’t be afraid to mega-kick your ass. I’m sure mega-truck guy deserves retribution for these or some other ignorant acts he’s no doubt committed, but if you think your god morally obligated you to smash his lights, ignorant truck guy’s god morally obligated him to beat you to a pulp for sticking your nose into business that ain’t yours.
– The Rents

Dear Diver,
Please help settle a bet among co-workers. In a fist fight between Joan Jett and Pat Benatar, who would win? I say Joan, because she’s bigger, but my co-workers have their money on Pat, because she’s scrappy. Please Diver, help settle this very important debate so we can get back to our TPS reports.
– Cubert

Dearest CuteBert,
Not surprisingly, you and your painfully predictable and dimwitted co-workers are backing the wrong she-icons. Joan Jett? Pat Benatar? I mean, given those two, sure, Joan Jett would be the obvious winner. But let’s broaden the field to make this a real competition. What about a  Royal (style) Rumble featuring true heavyweights: Patti Smith dropping a top-rope elbow; Poison Ivy serving a death-blow swing; Siouxsie Sioux eye-gouging; Exene Cervenka serving up a left hook; and Ari Up tapping ’em out with a dreadlock choke. My girls Kim Gordon and Debbie Harry!? They’d each kill with a mere glance. So, in short, get back to those TPS reports. The parameters  of this “bet” are beyond you and your co-workers. Leave this debate to the professionals.
– The Rents

Dear Diver,
My husband has recently gotten on a big health kick. While I am proud of him for losing weight and taking steps to take care of himself, he has become a bit preachy. He suddenly has become an expert on all things nutrition, fitness and exercise. How do I kindly let him know that, while I support him, if he really wants to live a long, healthy life, he should back off on any unsolicited dietary advice and let me eat my bacon and drink my beer in peace.
– Mrs. Healthnut

Mrs. Nut,
The obvious answer is probably the one you don’t want to hear. Your healthy hubby is likely trying to not-so-subtly tell you to put the beer and bacon down and get your ever-expanding booty to the gym. Granted, there most definitely is a better way to get this point across, but perhaps he is just excited about feeling and looking better. Still, there are few things worse than a loved one getting on a high horse and yammering on about what YOU should do. In Durango, it seems most of us manage to drink the best of hand-crafted beer and locally sourced organic bacon and remain in good shape by biking, hiking, skiing, etc. Hopefully you can find a happy middle ground, maybe bacon for breakfast and high-intensity interval training for lunch. But try to just be happy your husband is happy and fit… isn’t it better than the alternative?
– The Rents