Dear Diver,
Being new to Durango, I was told by a friendly local that Snowdown was essentially a week long drunken debauch. My question is would it be better to a) start drinking a hell of a lot more than usual now, to build up my tolerance or b) stop drinking completely for the week preceding and following the festivities, so as to minimize possible brain damage?
– Curious Newbie

Dear Kansan,
A) Yes. B) No. Google my great friend “Cliff Clavin’s Buffalo Theory”…
Friendly local?
– Good Luck, Diver

Dear Diver,
I have now lived in Colorado for more than half my life. Yet, try as I can, I just can’t seem to feel passionate, or even like for that matter, the Broncos. Not during the Elway era and not now, during the Manning reign. And certainly not during the Tebow debacle. Will I ever like them? Is there anything I can do to brainwash myself ? Or should I just accept I’ll never feel right in the blue and orange?
–  Off the Bandwagon

Dear closet PFM fan,
John Elway sold his soul a few years ago to rid the NFL of “Christian quarterbacks.” He did this whilst dispatching Tebow of any hopes and dreams, to the New York Jets and beyond. The Devil also said that he could have Peyton (Bleeping) Manning, if Elway would just forgo some appearance. Now that you are caught up … Let’s Go Bronc’s!  #welkerfansincehighschool.
– Our Owner is Ugly Because of the Devil

Dear Diver,
So, after years of being a rebel and not wearing a helmet skiing, my husband is being pressured by our kids to wear one. He claims he doesn’t believe in them and that they only “invite” accidents by giving people a false sense of security. I think there’s nothing worse than a hypocrite with a head injury. How do we convince him it’s OK to protect his noggin?
– Cool Guy’s Wife

Dear Cher (circa 1997),
I went through the same issue with my loved ones. I learned: people care for people who care for themselves. If he wants to break children’s hearts via head injury …  He is simply ignorant to air-vents to control “head temp” and stereo headphones to help control the “stoke.”  I say, dare that sad man to try the helmet of one of his true friends for a day then you’re good. Unless “boo” has sad friends, that cannot discern between cool comfort and “grey matter”…  If that doesn’t work, make sure you and “boo” volunteer at Adaptive Sports for a day. He will certainly learn the importance of a helmet, as well as learn the true meaning of “tough.”

“…but don’t take my word for it.”
– Levar Burton

In a sticky situation?