Dear Diver,
Why is it that folks in the north and east are being buried under several feet of snow while we here in the mountains are suffering from bone dry conditions? It seems a little unfair. Have we done something wrong?
– Hung out to Dry

Dear H.O.T.D.,
Yes.  While those in the North and East are dealing with super sub-freezing temperatures, foot-thick ice coating every outdoor surface like an Alaskan crab boat and more miserableness than even Fantine could stand, we here in the Southwest are being punished with beautiful, crisp, bluebird Colorado days. You’ll get your powder, but not until February. In the meantime; head up to Vallecito, lace on some skates, and enjoy some of the best, clean, outdoor ice of the century.
– Keep your stick on the ice, Ray Bourque

Dear Diver,
With Snowdown only a few weeks away, I am starting to think about costume ideas. I must admit, though, this year’s “safari” theme really has me stumped and needless to say, the thought of khakis and cargo pants is less than inspiring. And I’m sure Ernest Hemingway will be done to death. What ideas does the diver have to spice up the Serengeti this year?
– Still Hunting

Dear Hunting,
You wish to spice up the Serengeti ?? Then you’ll need to gather together a wash basin, 3 gallons hot water, some Prell shampoo, and high count, Egyptian cotton towels, and get all “Out of Africa” on us all. Rent the movie – you’ll get it.  But beware the whole STD issue.
– Hugs, Sigfried and Roy

Dear Diver,
Whenever I go to see my mother in her retirement community in Arizona, she keeps referring to her neighbors as “Spanish.” I’m pretty sure that although they do speak Spanish, they are not from Spain (Mexico would be my guess) any more so than she is “English” because she speaks English. How to I culturally enlighten her without sounding condescending or starting an argument?
– Buen Hijo

Ola,
Easy. Teach her the word “Hispanic” and todos los everybody es happy.
– Adios Amigo

In a sticky situation?