Dear Diver,
I just started dating this guy who seems a little mysterious/evasive whenever I ask him too much about his past. I figured it’s just because we hardly know each other and he’s a private person. But then the other day, we ran into someone on the street who called him a completely different name than the one he told me. I asked him about it and he mumbled, rather unconvincingly, something about it being an old college nick name. Should I be concerned he’s leading a double life or hiding something?
– Seeing Red Flags

Dear Red Flags,
One of my best friends happens to be the exact same way. He has like four different names, uses one with friends and a different one at work. Although we’ve all caught a quick glimpse of the random altars in his room, he never lets anybody see inside because it’s “dirty.” Although seen during the day, he spends many late nights participating in questionable online political forums. Nobody knows exactly what he’s up to, but given his unmitigable charisma and uncanny ability to woo children, one can only assume he is either a secret spy for some high-ranking underground militia out to rid the world of evil, or some sort of archangel sent by the master and commander to unhinge the darknesses that ravage our planet. That being said, secret spies and archangels need love too. So you’d probably be doing a favor to the battle between good and evil if you just quit it with the questions and kept dating him.
– Peter & Jo

Dear Diver,
I heard that the theme of next year’s Snowdown is something called “steampunk.” First of all, what is it? And will the average Durango Joe know what is means? Why do I envision a bunch of people in mohawks, combat boots and faux leather jackets? Is the Durango partying public ready for such an obscure theme? And more importantly, will they be able to show as much skin as they usually do?
– Steam Stumped

Dear Steamed:
You’re right. Snowdown has been getting a little out there with their “Safari” and “Medieval” themes. They should probably reel it in. So, where do I start? The reason you are envisioning mohawks, combat boots and leather is because that is punk, which is part of the word “steampunk.” However, steampunk is kind of like Victorian era classiness goes Mad Max: nice dresses and suave vintage suits meet goggles and leather and gas masks and stuff. It’s kind of neat, if you ask me. People will have some options. As for skin? They’ll find a way. Has that ever been an issue at Snowdown? Come to our humble little magazine shop next year when Snowdown is approaching, and we will happily answer all of your curiosities and concerns.
– Good luck out there! Peter & Jo

Dear Diver,
What is up with that weird little “fakey blankie” they lay at the end of beds in supposedly higher-end hotels? It’s not big enough to be of any real warmth or use to anybody. In fact, it really seems to serve no purpose other than to confound and confuse tired travelers and give the maids one more thing to clean.
– Howard J.

Dear HJ:
You may be surprised to find out that most divers don’t actually frequent higher-end hotels. We’re more of the hostel, inconspicuous parks or unregulated campgrounds types. I actually managed to camp for four days at beautiful Whiskeytown Lake campgrounds in northern California last year before we were rudely awakened by a park ranger telling us that there was a fee and we had to get the hell out of there. Anyway, I’m sorry that these decorational blankets are confusing you. Perhaps next time you encounter one, you could tack it to the wall and scrawl “WHAT IS THIS FOR!?” on it with lipstick to send a message. Maybe they are there to warm your miniature poodle while she sleeps. Do they allow miniature poodles in higher-end hotels? If not, if I was you, I would make a stink when they turn you away, and ask them “then what are the damn poodle blankets for!?”
– Peter & Jo

In a sticky situation?