Diver: Guy from Durango Bad Apples
Interesting facts: Humans have a tendency to find meaningful patterns in meaningless data.

That Guy, from Durango Bad Apples.

Dear Diver,
You know that ’80s song, “Land Down Under” by Men at Work, well, it is ruining my life. I can’t escape it on the radio, Pandora, grocery stores, elevators, doctor’s offices, restaurants. Everywhere I go, there it is, playing in the background. Maybe they are “trying to tempt me,” but it is slowly driving me insane, especially the Jethro Tull flute solo. Is the universe trying to tell me something?
– All Ears

 
Dear Eerie,
The cosmos could be telling you “Come to Australia” but remember, Colin Hay wrote that song and he sometimes performs in Durango. (I had a ringtone once that was Colin Hay singing “Who can it be Now?”) You should check local event calendars and see if you can ask him the next time he plays the Animas City Theatre. I should have just smiled and handed you a vegemite sandwich…
– Full of More Than Muscles
 
 
Dear Diver,
Why is it that whenever I drink a smoothie, I end up even more thirsty than before I drank it? Aren’t smoothies technically liquid? What are they putting in those things? Is it a smoothie conspiracy?
– Dry Mouth
 
Dear Mouthy,
We hid PBR’s that we decorated Saturday night and hid for an Easter Egg Hunt on Sunday 4/20… but it sounds like you have celebrated last Sunday as “that other holiday,” which certainly can cause dry mouth. Truthfully smoothies can be made without much water content, so don’t be too surprised that our PBR’s contain MORE water. You should try making your own smoothies like we do! That way you KNOW what is going into your smoothie.
– Drunk ’n’ Fruity
 
 
 
Dear Diver,
My girlfriend is turning the big 30 this year. She told me, in no specific terms, that I am responsible for planning her entire party. She doesn’t ask for much, and I don’t want to blow it, but I am not exactly the most creative type. What sorts of party ideas and themes does the Diver have for a night she won’t forget.
– Partied Out
 
Dear Out Partied,
You could look in your favorite alternative newspaper and check out what is happening locally for entertainment. You could plan a “destination birthday event” at one of the BLM’s campable locations around DRang. Oh wait! I would suggest dressing up like Disney Characters, it would be the perfect fit for almost ANY back drop. Mountainous Forest, Deserted Desert, Under the Animas, Fitting in at the Wild Horse, oh hell just go to the Ranch like the rest of us… in costume!
– Drank You Very Much

In a sticky situation?

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