Diver:  Grayson Mooney
Interesting Facts:  While not actually a dish diver at the moment, this diver will most likely become one in the near future!

Dear Diver,
My friends at school make fun of me because I still have a flip phone and say they are embarrassed to be seen with me. Does it really matter? Seems like a waste to throw away a perfectly good phone just because it’s not “stylish” enough. Plus, smart phones are expensive and unlike some kids, I have no parental funding.
– Flipping Out

Dear Flipping Out,
Owning a flip phone doesn’t matter in the slightest, in fact you could even play it off you being purposely retro.  Of course you have to be careful with that, otherwise other kids may become jealous and attempt to out-retro you, leading everyone in a slowly tightening spiral of retro behavior until society collapses and we all end up reversing human evolution and living as particularly retro hominids again.  
(P.S. do not attempt this in a hipster heavy area).
– Sincerely, The Diver

Dear Diver,
How come British singers sound like they’re American? Or do British people think we sound British when we sing? Please help explain, this phenomenon has confounded me for years.
– All Ears
Dear Ears,
I too have noticed this. My theory is that while singing, people of any nationality have a very hard time holding on to their accents and automatically adopt an American one since it is the easiest to replicate. Now the logical next step would be that they turn into an American after singing for long enough. A way for you to test this would be to grab a British friend of yours, sit them in the middle of a trailer park while continually singing and see how long it takes them to start drinking PBR, wear all denim and singing the “Star Spangled Banner.”
– Sincerely, The Diver

Dear Diver,
A friend of mine insists that he was bitten by a brown recluse spider. But I’ve heard and read that they do not exist in these parts. But he insists that’s what the doctor told him when he went to the ER. He also has a huge welt to prove it. But I still have my doubts. What gives? Do brown recluses really exist?
– Myth Buster
Dear Buster,
While brown recluses may not normally live in such climes as Southwestern Colorado, due to global warming they may have indeed crept up to your friend’s humble abode and given him an unwelcome housewarming gift.  Fortunately, there is a solution that is fast and easy to carry out. If you worry that your house is infested with brown recluses that are doubtlessly reproducing tirelessly in your crawlspace, then be sure to avoid the fate that your friend encountered, quit messing around and move to the South Pole. Even if global warming does catch up with you there, there will still be enough ice to keep the spiders away.  Besides, the entire continent is a natural beer cooler, how sweet is that?
– Stay frosty, The Diver