Diver: Dan Groth
Interesting Facts: Dan prefers the company of elk.

Dear Diver,
My beloved 1985 Subaru finally just died with 300,000 miles on it. Adding insult to injury is that I now need to look for some new wheels. I use my bike for most of my in-town commuting and errands, but need something that is practical, economical and reliable for my out-of-city limits travels. Prius? Another Suby? A truck? Any suggestions?
– No Wheel Driver
Dear No Wheel Driver,
Phooey!! Back when I was a youngster, my grandpappy took me on his knee and told me what his daddy told him: “Go big or go home.” And I convey this advice to you, so that you go buy the hugest vehicle possible. This so you can drive oblivious to others, heedless of all the wimps who weakly grovel down these streets which were so clearly meant for BIG things to go down. Once you get behind the wheel of a humongous vehicle, clearly you can ignore the other drivers who are as weak and stupid as you used to be when you drove that stupid, decrepit-old stupid Subaru.
– Diver

Dear Diver,
What is up with all the gun freaks? I understand the need to have a gun to protect oneself or for hunting (I actually own a handgun and a hunting rifle) but some of these people seem to have gone off the deep end. Do they really think they need assault weapons to go out in a blaze of glory Rambo style? Forget the Second Amendment, I think I need a gun to protect myself from the gun people. Why are they so paranoid? Is it Obamacare?
– Out of Ammo
Dear Out-of-Ammo
Instead of delving into the murky conspiracies and fears behind a certain fringe’s obsession with stockpiling guns, I’m going to tell you about how I’m a big-time stockpiler of FUN. That’s right! I have several wacky chests, suitcases, drawers, etc., just teeming with whimsy, merriment and glee. Each is magically overflowing with smile sandwiches, pictures of puppies, giggling gadgets, ticklish toys, happy-go-hippity-hop bouncing bunnies, smiling rainbows of silliness, a gigantic replica of a duckling, a clown collection, and the cutest bunch of purring kittens ever seen! I also have an assault rifle just in case one of you decides to steal my fun collection.
– Diver

Dear Diver,
I am trying to save up for a backpacking trip to South America. Only problem is, I don’t make a lot of money to begin with. What tips does the diver have for a penny-pinching gal in Durango who’s already on a budget?
– Penny
Dear Penny,
Why go to South America when you can go to South Fork? A trip to South America sure would cost a lot of money … So how about instead of heading thousands of miles across the equator to South America, you hop on over Wolf Creek Pass just 102 miles to South Fork, CO! South Fork: Gateway to the San Juans, home to an awesome wooden lumberjack statue, and just 15 miles from Del Norte.  Man, maybe you should just head over to Del Norte, because I hear Del Norte is pretty chill.
– Diver