Diver: Aaron Seitz, College Drive Cafe
Interesting facts: A 10-gallon hat barely holds 6 pints

Dear Diver,
I don’t see what the big deal is about some folks flashing the train. Unless you had binoculars (in which case, you’re the creepy one) the body parts were pretty much indistinguishable from all the way across the river. I don’t think the police should “crack” down (pun intended), after all, this could be a great marketing tool for the city and the train. Why are people so upset? It’s just a little skin.
– Nude Dude

Dear Dude,
There has been a sudden increase of middle-aged men riding the train in the past week, pointing to a conspiracy between the nudists and the train managers. Furthermore the train has stated that they will be providing binoculars to riders in the near future. We also have a first hand account that the water was indeed snowmelt, making the big black bars over the nudists’ goods advantageous to their reputation. And remember, nudity rhymes with Unity!
– Diver
Dear Diver,
Our daughter, who is going to be a senior in high school next year, has informed us that she wants to take a “gap year” so she can “figure out” what she wants to do with her life. We are worried if she takes a year off, she’ll never go to college and finish her education. Not to mention the responsibility of taking care of herself for a year without the requisite living skills that one gets from living on campus. How can we convince her to stay in school?
– School Marm

 

So, Marm,
Don’t let your daughter’s schooling interfere with her education. Most students change their majors multiple times, costing you more money. Let her spin about a while so she doesn’t graduate and go straight into waitressing!
– Diver

 

 

Dear A. Noid,
We think you’re reading too much into your problem. You’re probably the dick. Tell him a fun way to remember your name, like Annoyed rhymes with Floyd. He probably has some really strong herb to share with you.
– Diver