Diver: Lindsay Marie and Scott from Maria’s Bookshop
Interesting Facts: Wild and loose is how it has to be

Dear Diver,
How can I get my friends from other places to come visit me in Durango? They always complain about how long of a drive it is or what a pain it is to get here or how expensive it is to fly. But when I tell them how beautiful and awesome it is, they don’t believe me. I am getting sick of the nonreciprocal friendship. Why should I always be the one to make the trek to see them?
– One-Way Hal
Dear O-WH,
Friends that don’t want to come to Durango? Who are these “friends?” Did you tell them we still have an independent bookstore? Yeah, A real one. But there’s a simple solution: make new friends! There are plenty of wonderful people right here in town to be friends with, and you don’t have to travel far at all to find them. You’ll discover something that many locals learned long ago… don’t leave Durango. Ever. Honestly, we don’t want your whiney “friends” here, anyhow.
– With love, Lindsay Marie and Scott

Dear Diver,
Once again, my allergies are back with a vengeance. I have tried everything - herbs, acupuncture, gluten-free, local honey, allergy meds – nothing seems to work short of getting a ventilator or sticking my head in a bag. Please help me get a grip.
– Sneezy and Weezy
Dear Sneezer and Weezer,
Here’s what you do: go outside and collect some native plants – bushes, shrubs, some herbaceous varieties, maybe even some tree branches. Dry these all around your house. Leave some as decorations (they look so beautiful!) Put them in satin satchels in your panty drawer. Make salves with them and rub them all over your body. Cook with them. Speaking of which … let the food in your refrigerator grow mold. Get a long-haired dog. Don’t even think about cleaning your house again until winter … all that dust is good for your allergen-ridden self. Really.  I read it all in a book.
– Lindsay Marie

Dear Diver,
I’ve been thinking about shaving my winter beard now that spring is here. I don’t want to go completely hair-free because it’s too high-maintenance to shave every day and I find that the ladies like a man with some fuzz. What ideas the Diver had for new and cutting-edge facial hair that’ll be a hit with the ladies.
– Grizzly  
Dear Grizz,
True, ladies do love a little fuzz. But moms don’t. However, there is a way to please both. I’d wait until Mother’s Day (May-ish?) and then get all cleaned up. Then, when the ladies ask where your beard went, they will swoon when you tell them you shaved for mom. If you really want something new and cutting edge, though, I’d try face tattoos. You can always cover them up with a beard, and they are the only rebellious tattoos left. And if you had to ask an advice columnist about your facial hair… don’t mess with a mustache.
– Signed, Scott