Romney’s campaign checklist
To the editor:
Recently, I overheard two Republican campaign workers taking inventory of Mitt Romney’s bus caravan for his last campaign tour before the election:
“Teabags.”
“Check.”
“‘Corporations are People’ bumper sticker.”
“Check.”
“Keys to six (or is it seven?!) houses.”
“Check.”
Malibu building permit for car elevator.”
“Check.”
“Hair cutter.”
“Check.”
“Files of Romney’s PowerPoint presentations including:
1. Explanation of why General Motors should have declared bankruptcy;
2. Explanation that his Medicare reform really isn’t a voucher system: it empowers free Americans. They would have the freedom to choose between paying exorbitant costs insurance companies won’t cover, bankruptcy, or jumping off the Tallahatchie Bridge;
3. Admission that his shift from being pro choice to being pro life isn’t really contradictory: he just can’t decide whose vote he needs most, that of women or the religious right;
4. Explanation that being a front man for the Far Right has its compensations: Roger Ailes puts him on his Republican Fox News station, and Karl Rove gives him free Bryl Cream and tassel loafers;
5. Analysis of why getting bank loans, incurring debt and becoming the owner in a company takeover is good business. Hey, worker layoffs and job outsourcing: 4
it happens! Win some, lose some.
6. Analysis of Paul Ryan’s budget, explaining why the combination of 20 percent cuts to education and other social programs, increased military spending (although the Defense Dept. hasn’t asked for it), and tax cuts for the wealthy really does add up to a balanced budget: most people are just too dumb to understand his PowerPoint presentations;
7. Illustrating that although the vast majority of millionaires and billionaires live off their investments, they really DO create jobs. Cites all the maids, cooks, nannies, chauffeurs, body guards and pilots they hire, not to mention keeping Lear jet manufacturers, Ferrari dealers and the publisher of Architectural Digest in business;
8. Clarification of how requiring photo IDs prevents rampant voter fraud, which in recent years has catapulted to .0000002 percent of the voter population.”
“Check.”
“Safe deposit box containing all tax returns (not to be opened until after Romney’s last presidential race).”
“Check.”
“Receipts from Swiss, Irish and Cayman Islands bank accounts; American banks are just too uncooperative.”
“Check.”
“Rolodex (omits names of 47 percent of Americans).”
“Check.”
“Etch-A-Sketch.”
“Check.”
“A couple of Cadillacs.”
“Check.”
“Rex secured on roof.”
“Check.”
“Throw Big Bird under bus.”
“Check.”
“Let’s roll!”
“Check!”
– Sincerely, Mary Benson, Durango

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