Diver: Ryan Hannigan, Durango Brew Supply
Interesting facts: Doesn’t take fruit in his beer, likes long walks by the Animas, and still thinks the fireplaces in the Embassy are real.

Dear Diver,
This whole March Madness thing is way beyond me. Some of my coworkers asked me if I wanted to do “brackets” and I thought it was some sort of obscure drug term. No offense, but college basketball is not exactly something I’m interested in enough to wager my hard-earned money on. Can you please tell me what the attraction is?
–Fouled Out

Dear Fouled Out,
Here is what March Madness boils down to: grown men placing their hopes and dreams (and cold hard cash) on teams of underage boys throwing a pigskin through a metal ring. But wait! Isn’t the American dream getting paid for someone else’s hard work? If you’re still worried about your hard-earned paycheck invest in something more concrete: Forever Stamps. They’re FOREVER. Someday your kids will be paying for college with stamps.
– Forever Yours, Diver

Dear Diver,
I have a serious allergy to incense, it stings my eyes and brings on headaches. Yet everywhere I go in this town, someone, somewhere is burning it. Grocery stores, offices, stores, parks, churches – I even caught a whiff on the river trail. What is going on? Do I need to move or is there some sort of incense-sensitivity training I can undergo?
– Incensed

Dear Incensed,
The smoke trails that are clogging your mind and stinging your eyes actually have their roots deep in history. I’m pretty sure religion has something to do with it. As for sensitivity training, there are no proven methods, yet some wise men have indicated that long-term deprivation from showering and bathing can help mask the burning aroma, but you might not be able to live with yourself.
– Going Au Naturel, Diver


Dear Diver,
A friend told me that men who vacuum for their partners get more sex. Can this be true? And what about those of use who only have hardwood floors? Are we SOL or should we invest in some shag?
– Lookin for a Shaggin

Dear Looking for Bad Carpet,
Historically men have had only a few arduous tasks on their job list: hunt, bring hunt back, feed women, sleep, repeat. Women on the other hand have been stuck at home to raise their offspring and do all the menial tasks around the cave. If men help with their job, they’ll have more energy for extracurricular activities. If you have hardwood floors, well you might be SOL. On another note, socks and hardwood floors transform your hallway into a slip and slide! Hours of fun! You might even forget you have a spouse!
– Shine on, Diver