Diver: Dan Groth, Raider Ridge Cafe
Interesting facts: When not being a “smoothie operator,” Dan is a veritable fountain of ‘80s hair band trivia

Dear Diver,
Rolling Stone magazine just came out and declared Jimi Hendrix as the best guitarist of all time, which is probably all right since he played upside down and all that kind of stuff. But all this does is open up a big ol can of worms about who is No. 2. I say Ronnie James Dio but I know there are a lot of Eddie Van Halen, Eric Clapton and even (gag) Pete Townsend fans out there. Who is the diver’s vote for the coveted No. 2?
– Rockin Out

Dear Rockin’ Out:
First, let’s prevent a potentially embarrassing faux-pas by setting you straight on the fact that Ronnie James Dio, while capable of playing the guitar, is known primarily for his ground-breaking, iconic lead vocals, (and profound lyrics), with Black Sabbath, Rainbow and Dio. Second, I’d urge you to check out the great shredder, Reb Beach. Aside from having an absolutely awesome name, Beach played in both Winger AND Dokken. And let me reaffirm the fact that his name combines the sheer awesomeness of rock rebellion with the hot sweetness of a cool beach. Reb Beach is my number ONE guitarist of all time and I will fight anyone who says otherwise!
- Diver

Dear Diver,
With the holiday shopping season in full swing, I have yet to see or hear about this year’s “it” toy. You know, like the Cabbage Parch Doll, Tickle Me Elmo or Zhu Zhu pet of years past. Please tell me what this year’s must-have toy is, so I can knock their little stockings off (oh, and not break the bank, please.)
– Santa’s Little Helper

Dear Santa’s Little Helper:
Not having children, I cannot tell you what is cheap and popular with youngsters. But I will say that if I did have a sire, I’d buy them TWO gifts: a broom and a dustpan, because kids these days need to learn the value of cleanliness.
- Diver

Dear Diver,
A friend of mine just started dating an older person. I mean, way older. It’s kind of creepy and well, not to be mean, but super awkward. They’re OK and all, but hanging out with them is sort of like hanging out with someone’s parents. What are the diver’s thoughts on dealing with May-December romances?
– Young at Heart

Dear Young at Heart:
Well, your friend has a right to date whomever they please. Besides, maybe the older person is a “cool” older person who was into really cool stuff when he was young. Maybe you should go to his house sometime and check out his big cassette tape collection. Especially ask him if he has any Mr. Big cassettes, because Mr. Big is totally awesome and that song, “To Be With You” is a totally sweet acoustic rocker ballad. Did you know that Mr. Big opened up for Rush on their “Presto” tour? Man, Mr. Big RULES!!
- Diver