Dear Diver,

It’s cold out there! The walk between my front door and the office/restaurant/bar has become a trip of Antarctic proportions. Not to mention the glaciers that have ruled Durango’s streets for the last 6 weeks. What layering tips can you offer to help me make the trip in style and still keep my little bits from freezing off?

– Stacy on the South Side

Dear SSS,

I am definitely pickin’ up what you’re puttin’ down! My advice to you is to go home and stay there. In my opinion, the fewer people I see in a given day the better off everyone is, and it’s far more economically sustainable to just drink at home with your cats. Besides, that will open a whole new realm of possibilities for you and may even qualify you for the Henry David Thoreau Recluse Award. Curl up in your bed with a good book and spare everyone else the pleasure of your presence; I’ve been doing it for years. Maybe you could even hire one of those grocery boys who will purchase and deliver your groceries for you. In any case, good luck!

– Diver

Dear Diver,

What’s the Diver’s take on the new Purgy’s? It definitely feels a little upscale for Durango and word has it that brown baggers have been getting the boot. What’s the real cost of those

new white table cloths?

– On the beach at DMR

Dear Sir or Madam,

Durango is changing, and it is doing so rapidly. If you’re having difficulty accessing the upscale restaurants of our little ski town, maybe you should better disguise your brown bags, and even consider leaving them at home. But you know what they say, once a ginger, always a ginger. Never trust one!

– Sincerely,

Diver

Dear Diver,

I’m trying to be a good, little Durangoan and keep my dollars inside La Plata County (you know, “Keep it Local,” “Look Local First,” “Durango Dollars,” etc.) Let’s just say I ran into a problem the other week. After kicking down close to $100 for a piece of electronic equipment, I did a quick, online price check. The same doo-dad cost only $17.99 with free shipping at one of the cyber super sites. Two questions. A) What’s going on in downtown Durango? B) How can a poor, local boy stay true to his ideals?

– Buck,

Durango

Dear Buck?

Stick to your guns buddy! If you really don’t want our lovely town to become a conglomeration of strip malls and big corporations, inevitable as that may seem, then you must support your local businesses. Just stop eating or something, and then you’ll be able to afford more important things and purchase them locally. And remember that a penny saved is worth two in the bush.  

– Diver