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| Dear Diver, Like many, I recently came down with a case of the Durango crud. After three days with little to no progress, I decided to lay off the booze and look for improvement. The bug took a turn for the worse, believe it or not, and it was “hello” antibiotics. Here’s the question: Can or can’t you kill a virus with alcohol? – Chesty in Durango Dear Chesty, First off, get this straight: There is no cure for the Durango crud. Virus or bacteria, the little bugs move in like an unemployed relative, camping out on the couch and watering down the scotch. Would you offer more booze? He just settles in. Withhold the booze and here come the withdrawals. Best to just let the water added to the scotch slowly dilute the alcohol. He’ll leave eventually. – Get well soon, Diver Dear Diver, Forgive me, but I’m a little obsessed with politics at the moment. So here it is, what are the Diver’s predictions for the Nov. 4 election? Who will come out on top, by how much or who will wind up getting screwed in the next four years? By the way, there could be some money riding on your answer. – Hermosa Herb Dear Hermosa Herb, Some consult the oracles. Some use tea leaves. Others roll the dice. The Diver’s insight comes from reading the soap bubbles in the sink as they pop, turn to gray water and get sucked, like his retirement, down the drain. The water is murky but the message is clear: Barack Obama by a landslide! – Telling it as I see it, Diver P.S. You bet’cha there’s money riding on this. That sucking sound at the sink says to hedge your position with side bets on McCain, especially with some points. If McCain wins, you’ll need every penny. Dear Diver, With the biggest party night of the year on Friday, my Karl Rove costume is itching to hit the streets. What’s the Diver’s best remedy for a case of the brown bottle flu? Karl’s actually got to be at work on Saturday. – T. Oval Office Dear Oval Office, I saw that Karl Rove costume too! The horns and pointy tail are really life-like. A little rich for my blood, though. I think I’ll just go as a specter of our toxic inheritance. For the hangover, I suggest the Diver’s Miracle Cure: mix together 6oz V-8 Juice, 12oz PBR, 2 to 3 drops Tabasco. Drink. Repeat until the shaking stops, the pounding eases and sunlight no longer hurts. Then you should be ready to face a big bowl of Menudo with lots of tripe. A fresh load in the pipe, and you’ll be in fine shape. – Trick or treat, Diver |
