Dear Diver,

I’ve heard that the legend about the two brothers – one a rider and one a train engineer – who started the Iron Horse way back in the olden days. I’ve also heard that the legend ain’t exactly true. Please help me clarify this important piece of local lore. How did the Iron Horse Bicycle Classic really begin?

-Hist Ree Buff

Dear Histree,

The truth about the beginning of the IHBC is that it began as a protest ride. You see, Durango has always had a large Spandex-wearing contingent, and even in the late 1800s they were not satisfied with taking up all the lanes of Florida Road and Wildcat Canyon, they yearned for more. Why not take over the main highway between Durango and Silverton? Shut it down during one of the busiest tourist weekends of the summer, claim it as their own? Fortunately there has been a 2,500-rider cap on the race this year due to the fact that the skinny tire-riding, Spandex-clad riders cannot even get around each other anymore during the race. This has led to some interesting road rage situations, fueled by performance-enhancing drugs, usually ending up in a slap fight up on Molas Pass.

– Divers

Dear Diver,

I know that every generation tries to be different, but what gives with the dudes that are wearing their pants falling half-way to their ankles? I heard that it all started in prison as a way to advertise your availability to bubba. Is this true? And if so does that mean that there has been a huge coming out party in Durango recently?

– Casting my vote for world’s dumbest fad

Dear Casting,

Just as my parachute pants paired with a Members Only jacket were a fashion statement in their time, so too, is the current Durango gansta wannabe look. Seriously, the streets of D-Town are a hard place to grow up. After interviewing some D-Town ganstas, I have determined that it’s a way to let those you’re attracted to know that you are not only available but also that you are ready to go, since your pants are already halfway down. Maybe I would have gotten more action if I would have worn my pants that way. I think all the zippers on my parachute pants just confused the girls. And FYI, they make you wear a one-piece jumpsuit in prison.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

Seriously, I’m all for the dog-poo-pickup bags at railheads, but what is UP with the stooges who leave their full pouches scattered along the trail? Do they think there’s some canine excrement fairy that’ll come by and collect ’em? Throw me a bone here.

– Signed, Love the dogs but not their poo

Dear Dog Lover,

I leave the poo bags along the trail in the hopes that a drunk Horse Gulch resident will pick it up thinking someone left them a bag lunch. Poo Fairy, yea right. By the way, don’t forget to support Annie’s Orphans and La Plata County Humane Society and get your pet spayed or neutered.

– Diver