Full Nelson in 2008

by Lindsay Nelson

My fellow Americans: As I look out over this audience, at the faces of our senior citizens who have sacrificed so much and worked so hard to make this country great, and at the faces of our youth who are truly the hope of our future, I find myself reflecting on the true nature of Democracy – government by the people and for the people. It is with great humility that I ask you today, citizens of Durango and beyond, to cast your vote wisely in 2008: Vote Nelson/Nelson in ’08! (pause for applause).

That’s right, folks – I have entered the race for president today with my compatriot, and a great patriot, Mr. Willie Nelson. Together, Willie and I will bring a new era of honesty, humility and humanity to the American presidency, not to mention unprecedented amounts of long hair.

The Democratic and Republican parties are crowded with entrenched Washington bureaucrats who don’t understand what you and I, the average American, really want and need: to carry out a peaceful existence in a world where 2-pound bags of marijuana are not seized by federal agents but are available at every organic food store across the nation; a world where mamas won’t let their babies grow up to be cowboys, but they will grow them up to be peace-loving, guitar-playing men who love farmers and also rock ‘n’ roll. It is time for a new wind to blow through the White House, my friends, and I hope you will let it blow. Willie and me, we’re on the road again!

Why bother returning to reality? In two years we’ll know who’s president – a woman – me or Hilary? A youthful African-American? New Mexico’s sanest politician and a man of Hispanic descent, Bill Richardson? Or an old conservative white guy? Whatever the outcome, the next two years are bound to be a circus. My advice, as both a presidential candidate and a citizen, is to embrace the fantastic and transporting experiences available to us on this plane of existence, the better to maintain sanity in the face of ever-more bizarre and vicious local, state and national politics.

There is no better start than the LaserSpectacular show featuring the music of Pink Floyd. Starting at 7 p.m. Friday, ticket holders will enter the Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College to see what one tranced-out blonde chick in Minnesota described as “The best show I’ve seen since I’ve been in Minneapolis, five friggin’ years man, I mean, my God.” Visit the LaserSpectacular website for a fascinating 7½-minute video that tells you everything you need to know about the show. If you don’t have a web-surfing device, allow me to enlighten you. For two hours, the music of Pink Floyd plays in sync with an extravagant and symbolically charged laser light show of epic proportions, for visual and aural stimulation of a sort seldom experienced in a lifetime.

How does one prepare for a show such as this? Is your psychedelic-products connection in town? You may want to stock up on the ’shrooms, and you’ll definitely need green to get your mind lubed up for this experience. (Portabellas and endive salad are good choices.) Just don’t take it too far; I don’t imagine the concert hall staff is equipped to deal with a full-on acid freakout. It’s not the ’60s anymore, people. And drugs are bad, m’kay? Go if Pink Floyd was an integral part of your formative years; go if it wasn’t and you’ll learn something. It could be some kind of mind control, but since when does that bother you?

Now this is exciting: On Saturday the Abbey Theatre will show all three films in the Star Wars Trilogy, starting at noon and ending at 8 p.m. Shockingly, it is free, as in, no cost to you. Take advantage of this rare event and your complete lack of motivation for productive work and just veg out. Make the Abbey your living room and relive those heady days when SW came out on VHS and you could, for the first time, watch and re-watch the scene with Leia and Luke looking lustfully into each others eyes, in the privacy and comfort of your own home and Obi Wan robe. May the force be with you.

In the realm of movies that do cost money but haven’t been memorized yet, the Abbey again steps in with a run of the film “The Fountain,” opening Friday. Hugh Jackman (yes, I mean Wolverine) and Rachel Weisz star in this film, written and directed by Darren Aronofsky (“Pi,” “Requiem for a Dream”). I can’t guarantee you will like it. I haven’t seen it, but it’s gotten mixed critical reviews – some say it falls flat, lacks character development and is difficult to follow, while others found it spiritually moving and daring – but that’s the purpose of filmmaking and viewing, isn’t it? Exploring new territory, risking a poor reception or a feeling that you’ve wasted your beer money on a movie that wasn’t “Borat” is all part of the excitement of movie-going. Heck, even if you don’t love it, you saw something new and interesting – that’s one thing this director has always done: different.

A vote for me is a vote for Americans, people. I am the decider. Lindsay_damico@yahoo.com •