What’s with all the costumes?

by Ted Holteen

I don’t like having to repeat myself. I’ll instead refer you to last year’s late October column so you understand why I will no longer acknowledge the “holiday” that falls on the last day of that month, regardless of what day of the week it happens to be. Could even be something stupid like a Tuesday, which would lead to a great deal of ambiguity as to when someone so inclined should don their outfit or bob for apples or sacrifice a goat or whatever you’re supposed to do to observe whatever gets observed during what has lately become a four- or five-day window of observation. If it seems like I’m pissed off about this, it’s because I actually am – I think I need to channel my anger better. But really, instead of just having the damn holiday on Saturday, everyone in town will hold their parties that night instead, and I’ll still end up running over some trick-or-treater on Tuesday night and somehow it’ll be my fault. Even worse is that some families will opt to jump the gun and take the kids door-to-door on Saturday night instead. So here’s what’s going to happen. I’ll mention things like Screamworks Ghost Town Hoedown (I know, I know) and KDUR’s Transvestite Ball, both on Saturday night and lots of fun, but that’s it, just a mention. And that’s not until the end.

Instead I’ll focus on the one event this week that is taking place on Tues., Oct. 31 and you should, too. Once again, United Blood Services has teamed up with our local swill shills, the Durango Bootlegger’s Society, for Pint for a Pint Day. That’s a fancy name for a blood drive where you get a coupon for a free beer just for giving less blood than you would lose on the bumper of my car if you went trick-or-treating on Saturday night. The breweries are competing against each other to get the most people signed up, for which they win a lifetime of syringes and orange drink that could find their way into a future limited edition brew. But seriously, folks, UBS needs blood. They are regularly about 40 percent to 50 percent of where they need to be in terms of stock and constantly scramble to maintain a blood bank. Until you need such a thing that may not seem important, but as one who’s received more blood from them than I’ve given, I never miss my turn to get stuck with that big ‘ol shiny needle. And the blood people tell us that they get more donations on Pint for a Pint Day than any other drive they run. Pathetic, perhaps, but we’ll reserve judgment in light of such positive results. Back your brewer by signing up at Durango Brewing, Steamworks (which may or may not still be Screamworks on Tuesday, I hope not), Ska or Carvers and then show up at the Elks Club for your appointment. Thank you, seriously.

Think it’s too early for Snowdown? You’re right, of course it is. We haven’t even gotten by all the damn pirate costumes that’ll pop up this weekend, thank you very much Johnny Depp. However, necessity often dictates a situation, and in this case time is the necessity. The first Snowdown contest of the year kicks off Wednesday at Carvers as the search for our most hirsute gets under way with the Beard-Growing Contest. That gives people who can grow a beard three full months to, well, grow a beard for three months and see who’s got the best one when Snowdown sets sail at the end of January or beginning of April or however far back they move it this year. Alas, I am unable to compete.

Remember that episode of “Cheers” when the guys had a similar contest and Cliff Claven walked in and they called him “Wolfman?” Sadly, I am unable to grow even those wisps since I bought my own X-ray machine, so no beard for me. Plus guys who wear beards are trying to hide something or they’re Civil War re-enactors. You show up Wednesday shaven smooth as a baby’s ass, they’ll take your picture, then come back this winter with your lice-infested hair all over your face and you just might win some delicious Carvers food to spill into it.

There was a time when the Iron Horse Inn was a major player in the live music scene here in Durango. Then it wasn’t. I won’t go into the hows and whys, but now under new management it sounds like they’re looking to utilize one of the few spaces in town large enough to put on a decent-size rock show. Or hip hop show. We’ll see what management thinks after Friday night’s all-ages free hip-hop show with Sick Humans, Sick One and The Truth, and rock ‘n’ roll from History Of, Souls Never Die and Liquid Revolution. A lot of people will have a lot of fun here, but I’ve said all I need to about this. On the bright side, if you’re looking to say, steal a car or do one of those home invasions, town should be pretty much cop-free Friday night outside of the northern Animas View Drive area. Just a thought.

OK, as promised, here’s those other things. Steamworks is having their super haunted house costume party thing on Saturday night and it’s among the best going. And KDUR’s Transvestite Ball has again remade itself. This year it’s Kings, Queens and all the Other Cards. The idea is to dress as famous kings and queens throughout history, or aces or even jacks. So Ace Frehley would work, as would B.B. King or Queen Latifah. Get it? DJ Brian Ess will spin the music and Alex Olizewski returns from wherever he’s been to put on his one-of-a-kind lights and visuals show (see also, Penumbra). You may notice other places throughout town where people will be wearing costumes as well, but why anyone would do such a thing on Oct. 28 escapes me. Can you tell I’m still pissed off about this?

Come to Thanksgiving at my house this year – I’m having it on Monday night. egholteen@hotmail.com. Why not Labor Day weekend every Wednesday?