Disaster is where you find it

by Ted Holteen

remonitions. I don’t usually put much stock in such things, but looking back one year I recall watching CNN’s coverage of an impending hurricane strike against a defenseless New Orleans and thinking to myself, “they’re $*#%ed.” Turns out it didn’t take a prophet of Elijah’s caliber to come to a similar conclusion, but apparently neither Elijah nor anyone with the ability to foresee even a sunrise was working in the White House or the Louisiana governor’s mansion that week. That sense of foreboding revisited me recently (just moments ago, actually, when I visited a website) and I think the time has come for us all to set aside our common sense regarding the dubious existence of a higher being and start praying for the people of Mancos. Echo Basin Ranch, whom we last heard from following the .38 Special scaffolding debacle a few years back, set aside more than just common sense when they agreed to host this year’s Rally in the Rockies . To borrow a phrase from myself, “they’re $*#%ed,” and not just because Bad Company and Warrant will be performing (although they will be, and nothing good can come from that, either), but rather that thousands of renegade, retired Baby-Boomers will descend on a town where the cops don’t want ‘em and the sewer system can’t hold ‘em all. This could be ugly. We Durangoans won’t notice much of a difference – our motels and hotels will be full, the streets will teem with bikes requiring a 20-year mortgage and local businesspeople will be rocked to sleep by the soothing sound of cash register bells. My advice? Buy land in Mancos. By next week, I expect it to resemble the Ninth Ward, and so annexation by the City of Durango would seem inevitable. After the dregs are relocated to Oregon and Long Island, I predict Realtors will swoop into town in a fleet of H3s, snatch up the abandoned homes at eight cents on the dollar, and by this time next year, The Columbine Bar will be a sushi restaurant. Hey, a man can dream.

So you should maybe go to Pagosa instead. The annual Four Corners Folk Festival returns on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and even with all that music, the silence is a beautiful thing. Also, leather is relegated for the most part to shoes and luggage rather than backless chaps, hardly a subtle difference and one that is sure to make you smile after a stroll down

Main Avenue, which could cause temporary blindness. Many of the usual suspects will be on hand in Pagosa, including Eddie From Ohio, The Hot Strings and Old School Freight Train. The full lineup can be found later in this publication. I have been told that Julie Lee is among the festival first-timers to watch this year, as are the performances of some of the bigger names like Dar Williams, Delbert McClinton and Drew Emmitt. You can camp there, the people are nice, and you’ll be a good 60 miles from the nearest Hog. Tickets are still available at folkwest.com, so get one.

We’ve seen what’s happening both west and east, but what of Durango? Well, on Saturday night it’s the latest offering from Fold Roll Productions, as the Living Legends come to the Abbey Theatre for a night of hip-hop and biker-dodging. I’m curious to see how the Steppenwolf crowd will react if they happen to wander in thinking that Living Legends is a tribute to ’70s Southern rock. This could be a classic Odd Couple sort of happening, what with the 20-something college crowd mixing with the 50-something Viagra bunch. Fortunately for all involved, the elder set probably won’t stick around for more than a song or two before mumbling, “screw this, let’s go find some rock and roll” and then amble off down the street to Scoot ‘n Blues. But those first few minutes should be really fun to watch. While I’m thinking of it, Scoot ‘n Blues will probably have a whole bunch of rock ‘n roll this weekend, both upstairs and downstairs, but I don’t know what it is because they’ve for some reason neglected to post such info on their website. Hardly a marketing coup with so many of their target audience coming to town, but I guess they figure they’ll be there regardless, and it’s not a stretch to assume that many of them are on the road more than online.

Please don’t ask me about my experience at the “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” studios. I’ll keep you updated on a need-to-know basis. But don’t be surprised if Meredith Vieira seems a bit distracted when she starts hosting the “Today” show next week. I think she digs me.

ONE WEEK ‘TIL KICKOFF. Go Birds. And what do you think I should do with all that money? egholteen@hotmail.com. “All music is folk music. I ain’t never heard no horse sing a song.” (Louis Armstrong, with thanks to Crista Munro) •