The growth of the Welfare State and Dinorockers

by Ted Holteen

First, the good news. At last count, 508 Fort Lewis College students will walk in Saturday’s commencement ceremonies, and we can only hope that most of them leave town shortly thereafter. The not-so-good news: that leaves somewhere around 4,000 of them still in our midst, with no guarantee that their academic status will improve or even change in the next 12 semesters. It is, however, good to see that the ol’ alma mater has a heart when it comes to scheduling the pomp & circumstance. I’ve always been amazed that these educated young adults treat the Friday night before graduation like New Year’s Eve, partying until sunrise when the 8:30 a.m. ceremony is only an hour or two away. I guess that observation is no longer mine alone, as the administration has made an accommodation that you might have otherwise missed were it not for me. But that’s why I’m here. You see, there are two kinds of college students; actual ones, like business, accounting and economics majors, and the other kind, like I was when I damn near graduated way back when. This second group includes art, English, anthropology, music, philosophy and all sorts of other interesting and meaningful spheres of learning that have no vocational counterpart in the world that exists off-campus. Students in the second group also tend to be the ones still sleeping at 8:45 a.m. on a Saturday morning like normal people. What school officials have done to accommodate both groups is to again have two separate ceremonies, the 8:30 a.m. one for the automatons and a conveniently scheduled 11:30 a.m. gig for the deadbeats who are literally just months from becoming a tax burden on the first group.

But graduation weekend is not just for the kids. The windfall that comes to local motels and hotels, restaurants, and yes, even the bars, is a nice boost for our economy and might even warrant a “thumbs up” from our editorial staff in another part of this publication. Proceed with caution, however, for in the words of the great Paul Simon, one man’s ceiling is another man’s floor. Unless you’re part of this weekend’s celebrations, I would seriously consider putting off dinner and any other plans that might put you in the downtown area on Friday or Saturday night. You can’t park, can’t get a table, and you’ll be in the minority if you make it home without vomit on your shoes. For their part, the bar owners won’t miss you at all. This time of year is their gravy train, a time when the places would still be wall-to-wall if all they did was show old “Mama’s Family” episodes. Thankfully, they’re not doing that, or at least they’re not admitting it to me. What they are doing is filling the local venues with local music to entertain people who just might not be locals anymore soon (we hope).

FRIDAY: Looks like DJ night. Such is the scene at The Lost Dog and Steamworks, anyway. The Abbey’s got hip-hop with Dialogue and The Drunken Immortals starting at 10 p.m., and The Frank Trio takes the stage at The Summit around the same time. Scoot ’n Blues, Solid’s and The Ranch are also having some sort of graduation spectaculars, but I can’t decipher any details beyond that and I’m not willing to try any harder.

SATURDAY: Nothing to get up for Sunday morning, so this is where things get really ugly. Festivities continue at The Lost Dog and El Rancho with no cords to trip over. The Frank Trio plays night #2 at The Summit, and Hotmops bring human-created music to Steamworks. Notable for them is the return of Chazz McFlash from a southern hemisphere odyssey – he’ll tell you all about it if you just ask.

SATURDAY: Nothing to get up for Sunday morning, so this is where things get really ugly. Festivities continue at The Lost Dog and El Rancho with no cords to trip over. The Frank Trio plays night #2 at The Summit, and Hotmops bring human-created music to Steamworks. Notable for them is the return of Chazz McFlash from a southern hemisphere odyssey – he’ll tell you all about it if you just ask.

Also, catch Hotmops on Liggett’s Local Music Lesson show on KDUR Friday afternoon at 5:30 p.m. They’ll probably talk more about that thing I mentioned last week and how you can get yourself put on a governmental watch list, too.

As I hope I’ve effectively illustrated, downtown Durango will not be a family friendly place this weekend. Come Sunday, the young’uns will be about bouncing off the walls after two days of parental sheltering. That’s where the rock opera comes in, although I should point out that calling “Dinosaur Rock!” the “Tommy” of children’s rock opera isn’t the best tagline the producers could’ve come up with. Content aside, I challenge you to name another rock opera … see? By my count, there was only one rock opera actually completed, and via extrapolation that means “Dinosaur Rock!” is the only children’s rock opera out there. Following the same basic plotline as “Jurassic Park” but with less gore, Dinosaur Rock! has characters like Stella Stegosaurus and Danny Diplodocus, just the kind of kitschy stuff that makes me marvel at the scheisters who make millions off of America’s ignorant housewives while wondering why I don’t exploit them more myself. Regardless, if you’re doing a show for the kids you can’t miss with dinosaurs, and this one’s got plenty of them. Parents and Dinorockers alike will appreciate the matinee starting time of 3 p.m. Sunday afternoon (at the FLC Concert Hall, by the way), leaving plenty of time to drop the kids back at home after the show and spend a few quiet hours unwinding in what should be a relatively empty local tavern.

Hey, did you hear? Taj Mahal’s back in town Wednesday night at the Concert Hall. Hope you also heard that it sold out about a month and a half ago.

Squeaky wheels still get the grease around here. egholteen@hotmail.com. Welcome back, NHL playoffs – Stars in 6. •