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Diver, I just moved here from Washington, D.C. I see there are a lot of activists here, people who want to change the world. That’s commendable. But take it from me, it’s not working. The rest of the country is filled with complacent dipshits. How can I take the message sent by people here, and apply it back East in order to change the attitude of said dipshits? – Johnny Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Complacent idiots make the world go round. They work the jobs you can’t hold, they eat McDonalds and Taco Hell, watch “Desperate Housewives” and “Wife Swap,” and fail to mark their John Hancock on a piece of paper called a ballot. So the question is, why do you want to give them hope? With hope these people might finally realize that they outweigh you and could crush you with one of the moves they just learned watching reality TV’s Ultimate Fighting show! – Diver
Dear Diver, I want to know why people who are into “pseudo-jam bands” go to concerts in Durango like the Supersuckers and dance like they are seeing a jam band. At the Abbey Theatre for the Supersuckers, there were a handful of hippies, as well as the next night at the Cuffs, Red Herrings and Beautiful Losers (four bands that aren’t jam bands). These rope-headed puppy draggers were twirling and quite obviously not even listening to the music. It’s like they are just going through the motions because they feel they have to. What the hell is up with that? – Standing in the Back Dear Standing in the Back, Shhhhh … look over there, it’s a fine specimen of Rocustwirllyhiippolanus. Note the putrid stench that wafts around it as it spins around and around to a tune only it can hear. Adorning a collection of coverings only a Chicago rail yard hobo would fine attractive, it spins up to the bar and orders its favorite libation, to the tenders chagrin, “Maan, the Supersuckers are jammin’. Can I get a water?” I’m sorry what was your question? – Diver
Dearest Diver, About six months ago, my friend was saying how he got accepted into some school program on the East Coast. He was on scholarship but had no money and no way to get there. So all of us, being his friends, pitched in and helped him out (his parents died when he was 17.) Well, this was supposed to be a four-year program, but now he’s back say ing “it didn’t work out.” Well, we gave him about $2,000 to get him and all his possessions to this school in Georgia. Now he’s here couch surfing, and I want my money back! Is it rude to ask? – Pissed-off ex-friend Dear Pissed-off “It didn’t work out? It didn’t work out!?” That’s what I said to friends whom I pilfered for the $5,000 to put me through the dance school at Julliard?! But did I surf their couches after I was failed for not knowing the difference between a sow cow and a triple lutz? No! I plied my new trade in the strip bars of Albuquerque and Flora Vista and paid those friends back …with lap dances. – Diver |
