Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Diver: Denny Rahilly from Durango Brewing

Facts: Denny’s third appearance representing a third business

Diver,

I know there is a lot of Starbucks bashing going on around town, but here is a positive story. As you know, Starbucks is like the ONLY place in town that gives employees benefits like health insurance, which rules. Well, my friend who works for the coffee giant recently had to have emergency surgery and had his spleen removed (long story), and if it wasn’t for his health insurance, his bills would be sky high and we’d have to have some other benefit in town. So, before you bash Starbucks, think that as corporate as they are, they at least attempt, and can afford to, do things that actually help their employees, you heartless bastards!

– Walt

Walt,

Money is like manure, it works best when it is spread around. It’s well known that money spent locally makes for a much more efficient economy. Sending more and more of our hard-earned dollars to far away places like Arkansas or Seattle seems silly to me. So yeah, gotta support the local guys. And hardware stores. Restaurants, media and grocery stores. And to you beer drinkers, no more Sierra Nevada, Corona or Coors. Support your local brewers, it’s the right thing to do. Now, I did a great job avoiding your question or point, didn’t I?

– Diver

Dear Diver,

This Star Wars stuff is ridiculous. My 15-year-old son was one of the kids that dressed up in costume as some space creature waiting for the Durango debut of the movie. My son, whom I love

unconditionally, spent about eight hours working on this costume but can’t even spell costume! Jesus, he’s a C-minus student, and all he does is talk about Star Wars! It’s ridiculous. I support him, yes, but how can I get him to think about priorities, not Americans’ stupid obsession with stupid movies?

– Dad in Durango

Dear Dad,

Let me get this straight. Your son is 15. He can’t spell costume. And you’re worried about his temporary passion for a movie? Then you question his priorities! Jesus Christ! Open your eyes, be a Dad and teach your kid to read!

– Diver

Dear Diver,

I plan on visiting the Durango area next month, and as a SWF from the East Coast, what are my chances of hooking up with a hot Durango male while I’m there? Any time-saving tips would be appreciated. Thanks!

– Stephanie

Stephanie,

769-2982.

– Diver Denny