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Hey Diver, There is this intern in my office who is excessively into “hugging.” Hugs hello, hugs goodbye, hugs, hugs, hugs. I’m sick of it. Recently she mentioned something about having a “hug parade for peace” or something ridiculous. What do you think? – Jackie Jackie, A hug parade, eh? Well, that oughta show those bastard neocons real good. I’m sure as soon as Cheney, Rove and Bush hear about a bunch of smelly huggers hugging their way up Main Avenue, they’ll stop torturing prisoners, outing CIA agents and reading our e-mails. Good job, New Left! In my town, some folks are busy putting together something called a peace quilt. A blanket for peace, that is. Think about it, if these were the best ideas Jerry Rubin and Abbie Hoffman ever came up with, we might still be in Vietnam. Just where in the hell is the real rebellion? The anger, the violence, the Wavy Gravy? I blame all that emo music the kids are chillin’ to these days. Back in the day the angry youth had Hendrix, The Doors and The Who to fuel their fire. Kids today have bands called The Postal Service and The Shins to feed the apathy … I’d go deeper but there’s a new episode of “Desperate Housewives” on soon. – Yours in distraction, Diver
Dearest Diver, Who’s responsible? Know what I’m saying? – Curious, B.F., United States Army, Iraq Dear Curious, Who indeed, BF? Who indeed? Your question got me to thinking about a particular M*A*S*H episode (Season 10, ep. 223) called “Give ’em Hell, Hawkeye” in which Alan Alda spends the show writing a heartfelt letter to Harry Truman asking him to stop the war in Korea. Meanwhile the 4077th must clean up its act or it’s no new water heater for the gang. Hilarity ensues, yet the war goes on. Thanks for nothing, Hawkeye! – Blame me, Diver
Diver, My wife and I work in the same office. Recently, she was having a hard day, and I was rubbing her shoulders. Our co-worker said that was sexual harassment in the workplace (or something) and reported us to our boss. He’s now threatening to let one of us go. She’s my wife! How can that be sexual harassment? So, I’ve ceased the shoulder rubs, as has she. But I can’t get over the sexual harassment call. What can I do? – Disgruntled, via e-mail OMG, Disgruntled, That totally reminds me of the time I was accused of sexually harassing myself, LOL. There I was, IMHO minding my own business, when an errant staple found its way into my button-fly crease. Long story short, it took both hands and a lot of hopping around to free my two-pronged attacker. I was totally ROTFLMFAO, but ever since then I’ve been branded as the guy who can’t keep his own hands out of his own pants. WTF man, WTF? – Via e-mail, Diver
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