Welcome parents, party in Dolores and 15 years of Durango Brewing

by Ted Holteen

I had just typed the final celebratory words of last week’s column when dreaded yang swooped ruthlessly in on my yin. For while I was joyously ringing in another school year and just about feeling safe to re-enter Home Slice without fear of stepping on some punk’s baggy-ass pants, it totally escaped me that those other students would soon fill the void left by the young’uns. It would be trite, not to mention inaccurate, for me to say that I hate college students. Not that I’m above being trite, but I myself was once a college student, as were many of my friends and favorite celebrities. But you know who I do hate? The parents of college students. Surely you’ve seen these people, with the hip-dressed dads trying to be cool by smoking pot with their kid’s friends and buying them beer for the dorm? Or giving Daddy’s Little Girl a final tearful hug and a gold card having no idea that she’s buying ski passes for her first 14 live-in boyfriends? These kids are 18 years old. They can vote, act in porn, go to prison and even join the army, where I’m sure the folks aren’t welcome come boot camp time. So if college is supposed to be the gateway to adulthood, why do they have orientation for parents? Why are they even here? The first time my dad saw the FLC campus was when I nearly graduated. (Of course, I was 31 years old at the time and paid for the whole thing myself. And he thinks I graduated. He must have been very proud.)

On a positive note, college kids tend to be stupid and gullible. And no one knows that better than a Durangoan with a liquor license. It was a great summer to be outside this year, and the mostly ho-hum nightlife underlined the fact. Bars were not the focus of the entertainment (this is a good thing), but rather a place to go drink after a day of fun in the sun. Our young, would-be academics are, alas, not so resourceful, and so the local barkeep must also assume the role of surrogate mother for the next eight months and keep the crib busy with flashing lights and noisemakers.

The first noisy evening of the season should be a good one, with a sound for every ear. On Saturday night at the Abbey, three really different bands will play a fund-raiser for Daewon Mickelson, who was recently paralyzed. The goal of the fund-raiser is to buy Daewon a hand-pedaled bicycle. That should be motivation enough to show up, but just in case, Aftergrass (which is NOT a jam band), Dialogue and The Hot Strings will play throughout the evening. This is quite a mix of music, skipping around hard rock/funk/punk, hip-hop and neo-bluegrass. And if you’re in Silverton on Friday night, you can see what Aftergrass is all about, as they’ll be at The Explorer’s Club as part of a really busy weekend for the band.

Maybe I scared you off with all that talk of rowdy college students carousing the streets of our fair city. Maybe you like sitting in a bar with a bunch of other working class hicks like yourself listening to music played by adults for adults. Well, then maybe you should head on over to Dolores on Saturday instead for the biggest night of music to hit town since Jackson Browne got a flat on his way to Telluride. The battle of the bands, Dolores style, features not one, but two (2) bands vying for Main Street supremacy. The Lawn Chair Kings escape back-to-school weekend with a show at the Dolores River Brewing Co. at 7:30 p.m., then an hour later The Beautiful Losers take the stage at the Hollywood. Often overlooked in the local music scene, the Losers are much more than just country and western. Actually, they do play mostly country and western, but for some reason it works for them. Well worth the time, and from what I’m told, the crowds will be shuffling back and forth between the two venues. If you’ve never been to Dolores, that’s not as hard as it sounds, so head on over and bring a tent. The camping’s great, too.

Finally, if you missed the ad in this week’s paper and all the posters around town, I hope you’re at least still reading this far. That’s because today, Thursday, a local institution is celebrating its 15th anniversary and helping another institution in the process. Yes, Durango Brewing Co. has been serving the community for 15 years, and they’re having a party this afternoon that’s doubling as a fund-raiser for the Durango Bluegrass Meltdown. For 10 bucks you get all the barbeque you can eat, a commemorative pint glass with beer in it, and three bluegrass bands. Now that’s a party. Not that it matters, but the bands on hand will be the Badly Bent, the Magpies and the triumphant reunion of Rock & Rye. Ooh, that reads mean. Of course it matters, but my point is, it’s going to be a hell of a party regardless, and the fact that the bands are good is just a bonus. I’m getting good at deflecting hate mail before it gets sent. Things get under way at 5 p.m., and by the way, Durango Brewing is at 30th & Main behind Guido’s. FLC students are welcome, but please leave your parents in the car. ,yeah – I finally saw the Melodrama last week. Even though the good guys won again, I still had fun. Even Liggett had fun. You should go. One final thought, this one for the ladies. If your man hasn’t taken you to Chez Grandmere yet, dump him. He doesn’t love you. And tell Michel that Ted from the Telegraph sent you. Maybe I’ll get a bottle of wine out of it someday. Thanks.

Keep at it – I can’t deflect all of the hate mail. egholteen@hotmail.com. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. •