Diver: Andrew
from the Wagon Wheel Liquor Emporium
Interesting facts: Andrew is, pound for pound, probably much faster than
Michael Phelps at swim-racing.
Dear Diver,
What’s the real reason that wealthy,
white people hang dream catchers from their rear view mirrors? I
know it’s not a fashion statement and there can’t be
any function to the trinkets. What’s really going on? Is it
possible that some kind of a cult is at work here?
– Mr. Ree
Dear Mr. Ree,
Probably not a cult. More likely just a very
robust market for crap here in America. Clearly the people you see
all the time have far more money than they actually need. And
besides, any dream worth catching will probably come back to you
even if you do not have a doo-hickey. As for your assertion that
these people are “wealthy” and “white,” I
can’t imagine what else they would be here in Durango. I
don’t know if you have seen what it costs to buy a home here,
but it would seem that we are coming to a time where everyone will
have to prove independent wealth before they can be considered for
residency. But alas, your categorization is still a stereotype and
somewhat derogatory. Pointing fingers at “those crazy rich
white people and their desire to hang on to their dreams,”
seems a lot to me like saying (and I quote) “That all
teen-agers are drunken dope addicts and glue sniffers.” No
matter how true it may be, it still smarts.
–Your Lower-middle class,
but still dreaming, Diver
P.S. Have you considered paying attention
to the road while you are driving instead of trinkets in other
people’s cars?
Dear Diver,
A friend of mine keeps trying to convince me
that oil compa
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nies and gas stations aren’t making out
like lords. “High gas prices hurt them as much as us,”
he tells me in sneaky tones. He even claims they’re operating
on slimmer profit margins than most Durango businesses. I say B.S.
What say you, noble Diver?
–Wes in Durango
Dear (Hopefully not) Wes-ting time,
Prithee, I speak thusly on the subject:
(are you still glad you called me “noble Diver?”)
Anyhooo ... is your friend some sort of big-wheel in the oil
industry? Because that is the only reason you should be listening
to him. However, if he is, that is also a good reason not to listen
to him, Yossarian. The long and the short of it, in my opinion, is
this: Anyone who has been paying attention to the news lately knows
that the major oil companies have been posting record profits. And
that is record profit, not income; money going into their pockets
above and beyond what it takes to continue running the business.
Which means that those companies are pretty much just putting the
screws to John/Jane Q. Public. As for the local gas peddlers (no
pun intended) it would seem a bit trickier. They have to buy the
gas they sell from these companies who are clearly raking it in,
and they still have to make a living. So, as far as “making
out like lords”... the oil companies seem to be, while the
gas stations may not be. However, as soon as Durango gets a
mono-rail, just like Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook, we
won’t be so worried about the price of petrol, and
we’ll be on the map too.
–Diver
Dear Diver,
With current fashions reverting to the styles
early to mid-1980s, I’m thinking about bailing out on
everything and going totally counter-flow. What do you think about
a wardrobe populated mainly by Durango and
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Four Corners T-shirts? So queer, it’s
cool, right? Do you have favorites or catchy slogans I should be on
the look-out for?
–Beefy T.
Mmmm, beefy!
I am not completely sure I know what you
are talking about. Are there a bunch of people running around in
business suits with matching tie and suspender sets and little dabs
of white powder on/around their noses? Like, do you remember when
Alex got addicted to diet pills because he had to take a test? And
Mallory was dating Nick, and Nick is all “Hey, yo.”
That was classic. I don’t remember that coming back though. I
don’t get out much anymore. I can, however, lead you in the
right direction for some slogans to be on the look-out for if you
want your chest to really say something and prove your local cred.
Things like, “Utah is, under no circumstances whatsoever, for
lovers.” Or, “Our steam-driven scenic railway is better
than yours.” Or even, “Snowboarding is for the
Prols.” I haven’t made any of these shirts yet, but if
you see them be sure to buy one. I need some scratch to buy more
dream-catchers.
–XOXO, The Diver
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