Weed & Beer Day (oh, grow up)
By Ted Holteen

by Ted Holteen

Just what we need - more pigs at the trough. Yes, on Saturday, Fort Lewis College will send another five or so hundred fresh-faced ingénues into the workforce, and I for one hope that most of them head right back to Denver and fight it out there. But watch your back - some of them will stay, and they've got their eyes on your job. No profession is safe, be it construction, the service industry, real estate or ski bum. When some young hotshot struts onto the jobsite with anthropology degree in hand, you'll feel the pinch. Takes an MBA in this town nowadays to dole out advice in "Ask the Diver." And people thought the Chinese were barbaric with their government-regulated sterilization. So work harder, watch "Roger & Me," and consider yourself lucky. Remember, the world needs ditch-diggers, too.

So what's a young grad with a razor-sharp oyster for a world to do with this magical, once-in-a-lifetime weekend? Why, hit the bars, of course. Take Mom & Dad to the Summit on Friday or Saturday night and make them real proud. Parents love it when the bar staff calls you by your first name. At least Playboy hasn't been by for "Girls of the RMAC." On Friday, it's The Frank Trio, followed on graduation night itself by Freewill Recovery alternating sets with DJ Irah, which is sort of like succeeding a Polish Pope with a German. You just never know what will emerge when a bunch of dudes hole up in a room full of white smoke. Freewill will have a special guest, as Ian Brighton makes a return to Durango with his sax, which is never a bad thing. And across the street at the Abbey on Friday, it's the monthly DOWN night with the spinnin' and whatnot. Kind of like a perfect time capsule to sum up your four or nine years of college in just 48 short hours. Why not spend the last night of your academic career with one of the bands that helped to ruin it? And kudos to whomever had the good humor to schedule commencement ceremonies for 8:30 a.m. Be sure and hit up the folks for a good pre-game meal.

Saturday is also Weed & Beer Day. (No, this is not a redundancy; FLC actually has three or four graduations a year, and there's only one Weed & Beer Day.) Durango Nature Studies may have channeled the spirit of Joe Camel to solicit support, but I assure you their intentions are purer than those of R.J. Reynolds. At 10 a.m., directly opposite the commencement ceremonies on campus, DNS will rally whatever troops they can to help rid their facility of noxious weeds, thistle and the like. In exchange for their free labor, volunteers get a free lunch, free Ska beer and some learnin', too. That's what DNS does for the most part - they teach people, especially kids, about nature and stuff. As for the non-noxious weeds, you're on your own. Call 382-9244 for directions.

It seems as though the dark storm that surrounded last week's debacle with Willie Nelson tickets has a silver lining, although you may have to be among the most favored male offspring of the Sultan of Brunei to see the show. Withheld were 5 pairs of tickets that are being auctioned off, silently, to the highest bidder by tomorrow, April 29. There are bid boxes at Steamworks, both Serious Texas BBQs, Nature's Oasis, Professional Computer Solutions and the Concert Hall box office. By some estimates, more than 3,000 people were shut out last week, so expect the bids to exceed the $200 minimum. And to the fortunate elite who will be seeing Bruce Hornsby tonight, thank you as always for your support of Four Corners Public Radio, whether you knew you were doing that or not. It would actually be more amusing if you didn't.

With the absence of the NHL playoffs this year, we have about reached the nadir of sports viewing on TV. So before I forget about it altogether, here are my predictions for the few things left to bet on before football next fall:

☯ NBA Champion - Miami Heat. They have Shaq, and most other teams don't.

☯ Kentucky Derby - Rockport Harbor. Write it down.

☯ Indy 500 - Who the f@*% cares?

☯ World Series - Jesus Christ, it's April. But the Rockies are a bad team.

All that's left is the French Open and the Tour de France, which are both in France. Like grandpa always said (so I've heard - I never met him) "Don't bet on the French." But if you must bet tennis, go with Federer and one of those jailbait Russians when in doubt. And if you bet bike racing, come and see me Memorial Day weekend. You're my kind of pathetic.

Whatever will we do for fun when all those students leave? ted@ksut.org. Seriously, just leave.