Cash for trash, and peace, love & bluegrass
By Ted Holteen

by Ted Holteen

I know there's been a lot of talk about Starbucks coming to town and the debate will continue in the op-ed pages of this and other news sheets in town, so I'll be brief. A few people, knowing my hatred for some things well, for all things, have asked "What do you think about Starbucks?" or, "Doesn't it suck that Starbucks is here?" Well of course it sucks, but there's not a damn thing we can do about it and they ain't leaving. Ever. All we can do as loyal, price-gouged locals is continue to frequent the same places in the hopes that it will somehow offset the inevitable loss of tourist business. Remember - anything you can get at Starbucks you can get at Magpies, Carvers, Steaming Bean, Durango Coffee Co., Jitters Java or Durango Joe's. There is one more option (besides switching to tea or sleeping 'til noon): just steal your morning cup from one of the continental breakfasts at a local hotel. That's what I do.

This is one of those Thursday-heavy weeks, when putting off reading your Telegraph for a day or two could cost you. In last week's issue, Jules Masterjohn (who, unlike myself, is qualified to write about such things) previewed tonight's annual KDUR Furniture as Art Auction, providing insight into the artists and their inspirations that lead to the creation of a new crop of unique treasures every year. Well done, Jules. I am left to persuade the laymen and women of this cultural enigma of a town that if you only go to one art auction this year, make this the one. I have not missed one of these things, but for the first time ever I will be in the audience and not bartending. If I didn't think so lowly of my readers, I would fear that an explanation of the auction would be repetitive in light of Jules' article. But to play it safe, here's how it works: Local artists take old stuff, like chairs and dressers and doors, and turn them into really cool objects d'art. Really cool. If I may make a humble suggestion, this is a tremendous opportunity to get someone a truly one-of-a kind gift, as there is by necessity only one of each item. I guess I should mention that it's at the Durango Arts Center and starts at 6:30 p.m. All proceeds benefit KDUR, so even if you don't bid on things, they'd love to have you come in and watch. And consider this a warning, as I'm not above juvenile or even seriously criminal retribution: Do not attempt to outbid me.

Also tonight, we mark the 72nd anniversary of a great day in American history. On April 7, 1933, Franklin Roosevelt put an end to the madness that was prohibition, guaranteeing Dean Martin a future career and forcing the mob to once again rely on prostitution and opiates for its daily bread. So, if you must blame anyone for the skyrocketing cost of hookers, blame the Democrats. For the third year, by most accounts, Carvers will celebrate with the Durango Bootlegger's Society Repeal of Prohibition Party, where you can be among the first to sample this year's Spring Tonic Elixir. It's brew master Erik Maxson's take on a pre-prohibition recipe for what passed for beer during the Taft administration, which has been sitting in an artifact of an old whiskey keg for the last three years and could be for all I know a combination of witch hazel and kerosene with a few squirrels thrown in for body. But Erik is himself an artist, and you'll absolutely love it. But that, believe it or not, is not even the highlight of the evening. Revelers can learn about Durango before and during those dark years of prohibition from none other than Fort Lewis College History Sage Duane Smith. The good doctor is, by some accounts, the sole reason for FLC's accreditation. If the biggest Cub fan west of the Mississippi hadn't wandered into the old Fort in 1964, rest assured that today the Campus in the Sky would be eye candy in an ITT Tech brochure. When the man is talking, you should be listening, because no one knows more about Durango history and there's no one better to hear it from. And, at 117 years old, he still holds his own on the softball field every year. It will come up later, so I might as well admit that I actually struck out once in a softball game. A horrible and debasing experience, but if it had to happen in my career, I can be proud that I went down to a man who learned to pitch from the greatest Cub of them all, Mordecai "Three-Finger" Brown. (Duane will try to tell you it's really Ernie Banks, aka Mr. Cub, but what does a history professor know about baseball anyway?)

By the way, this weekend is the Durango Bluegrass Meltdown. It's fun, and it sells itself. Get a wristband and have a ball. But I'd like to point you in another direction on Friday night, and you can squeeze it in after some of the early Meltdown music. The Abbey Theatre has live hip-hop from Denver in the form of The Break Mechanics, and for once I actually took the time to find something out about them. Don't expect me to make a habit of it or anything, but I'm glad I did this time. They've recorded with artists as diverse as Ani DiFranco and KRS-1, so someone must think they're legit. And they sounded cool on the website and it looks like they know what they're doing. Add to that the sound and lighting capabilities of the Abbey, and it should be quite entertaining. I will, for the second night in a row, try to do two things literally at the same time. That's because next door to the Abbey, Cuckoo's is celebrating its 6th birthday on Friday night as well. Chris and Michelle Redding, whose primary character flaw is their inexplicable continuing support for the New England Patriots, have bucked the odds and performed the near-impossible feat of creating an actual establishment in Durango. As any recent tenant of 957 Main Ave. will attest, that's no small accomplishment. To help celebrate, the greatest band to ever rock Bluff, Utah, The Lawn Chair Kings, return to the stage where they got their start. Which is funny, because there is no stage. But Cuckoo's is home to the best wings in town, and it's the only real sports bar around, more so because it doesn't feel like a big-city sports bar. And they sponsor my softball team. So I like Cuckoo's. Happy Birthday.

I'll be sleeping for most of Saturday and Sunday, so you're on your own after Friday night. The Meltdown will keep you busy.

Coming next week, my still for sale review of the new Lost Dog Saloon. (Someone please remind me to do a review of The Lost Dog next week.) ted@ksut.org. If you know Beez, tell him to buy you a drink.