Easter parade, voodoo and fund drive
By Ted Holteen

by Ted Holteen

If you recall last week's column, we had a bit of fun with St. Patrick's Day, and I implied that a similar debunking of Easter would follow in this space. I can't do it. It's just too easy, and it's becoming clearer with every passing week that my Christian readership is dwindling to a point that not even the advertisers will take notice if I alienate them altogether. Either no one is reading at all (certainly understandable), or they're so intent on capitalizing on their meekness in the afterlife and inheriting nothing less than the Kingdom of God itself that even a capital lampooning of their messiah isn't enough to spark their ire. Kind of like Ned Flanders. So enjoy Easter, go to church and just keep asking your cleric of choice if the bunny was also dead for three days and did Jesus like jelly beans until they kick you out.

Or skip church. Nothing's more fun than taking the kids to the mall to see Santa, or if he's not available, the Easter Bunny. Check that - going to the mall to see the Easter Bunny without the kids would be much more fun, and that's what you can do on Friday and Saturday. (The mall is closed on Sunday. It's Easter, for Christ's sake!) In all seriousness, someone really is dressing up as the Easter Bunny at the Durango Mall, and children will swarm the poor soul for eight hours at a time. Cherish your anonymity, friend.

Another hidden Easter treasure goes on at Durango Mountain Resort, this one on Easter itself. (Jesus himself had scheduled a weekend at Mount Ararat for some spring turns when he was abruptly crucified.) OK, it's not a treasure, it's an Easter egg hunt. But again, the kids will love it, and again, it's usually easy for most adults to win at children's games. And I bet there are prizes in the Easter eggs, because if I was a kid and I went on an Easter egg hunt and got a hard-boiled egg instead of a prize, I would throw the egg. And as an adult, I can throw an egg even farther, so it would behoove DMR to put prizes in their eggs for the young and the young at heart alike.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the one redeeming event associated with Easter. And no, I don't count the NCAA's as an Easter event, although try it - you'll quit church forever. I refer, of course, to the Easter brunch. Several places do them every year, and do them well, but only one's got a harp, and it's the DoubleTree Hotel. More importantly, they've got a harp player, Sylvia Zurko, and she'll be playing for six glorious hours, from 9 a.m. in the morning to 3 p.m. in the afternoon. You're going to miss a lot of games, Sylvia, but if your bracket looks anything like mine, I understand.

Well, life does go on, I guess thanks to Jesus. The Summit is doing everything in its power to make Easter Sunday morning an afterthought, with live music Saturday night from Airborne. Airborne is actually The Frank Trio plus one, and in a savvy marketing ploy they describe themselves as rock-funk-disco-jazz-reggae-Latin-groove. Note the absence of any mention of the "J" word. That'll keep you in print, boys - nice job. Showtime is 10 p.m. or so, and remember, the Easter candy is cheaper on Monday anyway. Then, next Wednesday, The Summit welcomes back Warsaw. I've told you this before: it will sell out, and if you're not there early you'll just give the bouncers another reason to throw you down the steps. Plan ahead.

The big music news of the weekend comes from the FLC Concert Hall, where Big Bad Voodoo Daddy moves in for two nights - tonight and tomorrow only. They sold out last time, so this time they'll play twice. How thoughtful. If you're a fan of the Big Band sound, and you should be, these fellows do it as well as anyone in the world today. For those of us who missed Harry James and Glenn Miller back in the day (if you saw either, please write me at the address below), it's a chance to see an authentic reliving of a unique period in music. And with the advantage of modern technology and musical progression, BBVD's show is probably even higher charged than the originals. I say probably because I've never actually seen them. The dance floor will be open for those with the skills to use it, so fill the joint up and give them the kind of crowd they deserve.

Finally, I must again inform you that one of our local bastions of free speech is again in need of your support. KDUR is having its spring fund drive, ending tomorrow, and it's a great chance to pick up tickets to summer music festivals while supporting one of the two stations in town where you can actually hear the music from those festivals. Available tickets include Telluride Bluegrass, RockyGrass, the Silverton Jubilee and the Durango Bluegrass Meltdown. And they'll never tell you this on the air, but you can also get really nice hand-blown glass smoking accessories for a nominal pledge (which you must subsequently pay). Give 'til it hurts, then give some more.

How's your bracket? ted@ksut.org. No, I am NOT working at the mall this weekend.