Dear Diver,

I'm on the way outs with my wife, and as a matter of fact, have been seeing someone in another state. Well I did it now, I went to see the "other," and we went skiing and I blew out my knee! How do I gently, without wanting to rock the boat, tell my soon-to-be-ex about this?

- Ouch, via e-mail

Dear Ouch,

Sorry to be a realist, but the boat has already been rocked. In fact, that ship has sailed. Why don't you dig your hole deeper and tell your wife that you busted your knee "rockin' the boat." Your alimony payments should be great after that little piece of info is revealed. I suppose that's what you get for skiing"out of bounds."

- Sourly,

Diver

Diver,

Question for you, hope it's not out of your league. Do things like portable DVD players on road trips hurt your kids' imaginations? We can't drive a freaking hour without these kids needing some form of electronic entertainment, looking out the window and using their imagination is way out of the question. Millions of families have been taking road trips since the invention of the car without this stuff, why are kids so spoiled and incapable of entertaining themselves now?

- Dad in Durango

Dear Dad,

First off, nothing is out of my league.Secondly, you need toimmediately throw away all books and any other literacy-friendly paraphernalia you might have around the kids. Cover upthe windows,put a movie on and enjoy the corporate American way. We need to further spoil the possibility of intellect in future American generations; don't you think?

- Bring on the robots,

The Diver