My wife won't lock the front door! She says, "We don't need to lock our doors, this is Durango." However, Durango or not, this town is filled with sketchers. I'm not about to come home and have some meth-head from the cardboard motel stealing my stuff. How can I convince her that just because this is a small town, things aren't that safe?

- Concerned Husband in Hesperus

Dear Concerned,

Now, now, let us not pin the blame on the cardboard motel connoisseurs. We personally feel that North Main is quite charming. Why don't you just wait for one of those "sketchers" to walk into your house, and then you go ahead and enjoy the "make my day" law? I'm sure one will show up in Hesperus any day now.

- Peeved,

The Divers

Dearest Diver,

What's the best cure for a hangover? I figure since you work in the restaurant or bar industry, you may know. Any suggestions?

- Jack


1. Wake up. 2. Vow to never drink again. 3. Pull tubes. 4. Go to the mountain. 5. Launch off chair lift. 6. Take one run. 7. Drink Bloody Mary. 8. Continue vicious cycle.

-Perpetually recovering from the night before,



I'm sick of my sick friends who are constantly hitting on my cousins. All they ask about is when my cousins are coming to town, if they are "available" and things like that. This is worse than having a hot sister! How can I convince them this is impolite and makes me, and probably my cousins, uncomfortable?

Diver: John Kennedy and his sidekick Maggie from J. Bo's

Facts: They provide all you need to know about hot cousins, sketchy hotels and being fired.


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

- Mac

Dear Mac,

It seems fairly apparent you are battling some jealousy issues. You have the inside track, beat them to the punch and ask one of them (or all of them) out. Don't forget to send pictures of the kids.

- Down here in Kentucky,


Dearest Diver,

What is the easiest way to fire someone? I have some people at my work who need to go, but getting rid of them is not as easy as it should be. Any hints? I've been losing sleep over the fact that I have to fire a slacker who has two kids!

- Worried

Dear Worried

From our previous experiences being fired, we have figured out the "how to." All you need to do is catch your employees smoking pot in the store room - then you have an easy way to terminate them on the spot. Some people justify this, I think.

- Something about being stoned,



News Index Second Index Opinion Index Classifieds Index Contact Index