Dear Diver,

I want to make up T-shirts that say "Fort Lewis College Republicans - Draft them now, bury them later." Would you buy one?

- Jack


First off, no. I don't buy cheap crap from strangers unless I'm at Wal-Mart. Second, you're onto something here. I say we draft kids based on party affiliation. Throw in some good ol' USA competition and see who comes out more murderous and ruthless. My money is on the Constitution Party.

- Sincerely,

Draft-Dodging Diver

Dear Diver,

The other day I showed up at my kid's day care to find the childcare provider sleeping. She's a kindly old lady who hangs around kids all day, so it's to be expected that she needs to rest a spell as the day wears on. But this gal was snoozing so hard I had to yell her name a couple of times to bring her back. In the time it took me to wake her, any miscreant could've made off with my kid and forced her to join a cult. Should I fire her, or accept her apology and give her another chance?

- MS


I know what will keep the old broad awake. Just give the nod and I'll make the call. How bout them Trailblazers?!

- Diver Down

Dearest Diver,

Durango, for being a town that takespride in being "progressive," sure does have a lot of wage slaves and slum lords. When will the slaves wake up? When will they revolt?

Diver: The Beez from Trimble and Randy's

Facts: Beezer is not only the heir to the Klackers Empire, he's one of the only true divers in town.


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.

- Loser

Sir Loser,

Do you realize that you implicate yourself as one of those slum lords? Be careful what you wish for cause some of these "slaves" may rise and bitch slap you. Besides, I thought "progressive" sold auto insurance.

- Enslaved and confused, The Diver


Every time I read an article in Durango about a realtor they capitalize the "R." Realtor hardly requires a cap does it??? -if it is because they use the trademark of the National Association of Realtors, then do they not have to have that funny little copyrighted sign???...realtors are hardly worthy of capitalizing as they are capitalizing on everyone in town.

- Yetis

What up Yet Yet?

This reminds me of a joke: Have you heard about the new pirate movie? It's rated RRR! Listen up pal, the only concern here is your obvious obsession with punctuation??? Get a life, you spaz.

- Birdz 4 Ever,Diver



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