Dear Diver,

I want to make up T-shirts that say "Fort Lewis College Republicans - Draft them now, bury them later." Would you buy one?

- Jack

Jack,

First off, no. I don't buy cheap crap from strangers unless I'm at Wal-Mart. Second, you're onto something here. I say we draft kids based on party affiliation. Throw in some good ol' USA competition and see who comes out more murderous and ruthless. My money is on the Constitution Party.

- Sincerely,

Draft-Dodging Diver

Dear Diver,

The other day I showed up at my kid's day care to find the childcare provider sleeping. She's a kindly old lady who hangs around kids all day, so it's to be expected that she needs to rest a spell as the day wears on. But this gal was snoozing so hard I had to yell her name a couple of times to bring her back. In the time it took me to wake her, any miscreant could've made off with my kid and forced her to join a cult. Should I fire her, or accept her apology and give her another chance?

- MS

Sheahan,

I know what will keep the old broad awake. Just give the nod and I'll make the call. How bout them Trailblazers?!

- Diver Down

Dearest Diver,

Durango, for being a town that takespride in being "progressive," sure does have a lot of wage slaves and slum lords. When will the slaves wake up? When will they revolt?