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Dear Diver
Is it true that mice know
when a cat lives in a house? With the coming of the cooler weather,
mice from outside are somehow getting into my old house. I want to
get a cat, but will it really stop the problem? Or will I just have
dead mice in my house?
Curious,
Mike in Hermosa
OK Mike,
I will tell you what is
true about mice. They have brains the size of one atom, so the fact
that you're asking this question makes me believe the same about
you. My dog caught a mouse the other day. I'm not saying a cat will
completely stop the problem, but you get a cat, and it will help.
Last question, will you have dead mice in your house? Are you a
complete invalid or have you lost too many brain cells from bong
resin? Aren't dead mice in your house what you want? You're trying
to cure the mouse problem!
Diver
Diver,
I am struggling with the
idea of putting my elderly mother into a home. She is 87, and it is
getting very hard to take care of her. I don't want to do this, I
believe "rest" homes are cold and lonely places, but I feel it is
the only option to keep both of us sane and safe. Am I making the
right decision? Distressed Son
Son,
If changing diapers on
an old woman is not your thing and feeding her baby food isn't
either, then it's time for her to hit the road. Why do the dirty
work when someone else can do it for you? Besides you can always
visit and have conversations with her she'll never remember. If you
in fact like changing diapers for someone other than a baby, then
God bless you, you are a Saint. If not, take my advice. You'll be
much happier. Diver Mike
Ok,
So you go to a pot rally
with a bunch of high people who yell "bong hits" and this shocks
you? You must be smoking way more dank weed then these kids are,
especially because you think they represent all liberals. I think
it's great you don't support Bush. Amen brother. But the fact that
you think a bunch of high people represent all liberals makes me
wish you wouldn't vote. You're the one who needs to get educated.
I'm a liberal and guess what? I'm a college graduate, educate
myself daily and think for myself. My advice to you is to stop
judging people. You are a complete dum-bass. Love, Mike from the Schoolhouse
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Diver: Mike Mantineo, from The Olde
Schoolhouse
Facts: By publishing time the Red Sox may not
be considered "Mass-Holes," but Mike will always be one.
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Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Diver, Do you think its OK when
older male celebrities (let's say around 80) marry a woman 40 years
younger or more, then have children? Children, I may remind you,
who will possibly never know their father, since the elder
celebrity will die when the child is very young. For example, Tony
Randall had a wife 50 years younger, and their children were 5 and
7 when he died. Jim, via e-mail Jim,
Do I think it's right? I
think it's incredible! Put yourself in Tony Randall's shoes. He's
80 and has nothing to live for. What do you want to do? Sleep with
younger women, of course! He lived the dream. Whatever, he's lucky
he can still get it up and produce the protein shake. Don't worry
about the lads, they're young and don't have to worry about
anything probably for the rest of their lives unless they're 80
like they're pops was and find a younger woman and can't get it up.
Now I feel for the kids too. Sincerely, Mike the Diver
Diver,
I've been going to many a
debate this past year, ranging from full-on political ones to
simple discussion groups usually consisting of
conservatives/liberals hashing it out about the free press, Bush,
liberal vs. conservative media, and what have you. I must say this,
the liberals are morons! Their contributions to these gatherings
are ridiculous, un-organized thoughts and sayings that make no
sense, spewed out at inappropriate times. Anyway, I just want to
encourage the liberals to get a bit more educated, ya think? Oh
yeah, I am a conservative who does not support Bush, that dude is
wack. Thanks, Billy
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