Dear Diver

Is it true that mice know when a cat lives in a house? With the coming of the cooler weather, mice from outside are somehow getting into my old house. I want to get a cat, but will it really stop the problem? Or will I just have dead mice in my house?

Mike in Hermosa

OK Mike,

I will tell you what is true about mice. They have brains the size of one atom, so the fact that you're asking this question makes me believe the same about you. My dog caught a mouse the other day. I'm not saying a cat will completely stop the problem, but you get a cat, and it will help. Last question, will you have dead mice in your house? Are you a complete invalid or have you lost too many brain cells from bong resin? Aren't dead mice in your house what you want? You're trying to cure the mouse problem!



I am struggling with the idea of putting my elderly mother into a home. She is 87, and it is getting very hard to take care of her. I don't want to do this, I believe "rest" homes are cold and lonely places, but I feel it is the only option to keep both of us sane and safe. Am I making the right decision?

Distressed Son


If changing diapers on an old woman is not your thing and feeding her baby food isn't either, then it's time for her to hit the road. Why do the dirty work when someone else can do it for you? Besides you can always visit and have conversations with her she'll never remember. If you in fact like changing diapers for someone other than a baby, then God bless you, you are a Saint. If not, take my advice. You'll be much happier.

Diver Mike


So you go to a pot rally with a bunch of high people who yell "bong hits" and this shocks you? You must be smoking way more dank weed then these kids are, especially because you think they represent all liberals. I think it's great you don't support Bush. Amen brother. But the fact that you think a bunch of high people represent all liberals makes me wish you wouldn't vote. You're the one who needs to get educated. I'm a liberal and guess what? I'm a college graduate, educate myself daily and think for myself. My advice to you is to stop judging people. You are a complete dum-bass.


Mike from the Schoolhouse

Diver: Mike Mantineo, from The Olde Schoolhouse

Facts: By publishing time the Red Sox may not be considered "Mass-Holes," but Mike will always be one.


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Do you think its OK when older male celebrities (let's say around 80) marry a woman 40 years younger or more, then have children? Children, I may remind you, who will possibly never know their father, since the elder celebrity will die when the child is very young. For example, Tony Randall had a wife 50 years younger, and their children were 5 and 7 when he died.


via e-mail


Do I think it's right? I think it's incredible! Put yourself in Tony Randall's shoes. He's 80 and has nothing to live for. What do you want to do? Sleep with younger women, of course! He lived the dream. Whatever, he's lucky he can still get it up and produce the protein shake. Don't worry about the lads, they're young and don't have to worry about anything probably for the rest of their lives unless they're 80 like they're pops was and find a younger woman and can't get it up. Now I feel for the kids too.


Mike the Diver


I've been going to many a debate this past year, ranging from full-on political ones to simple discussion groups usually consisting of conservatives/liberals hashing it out about the free press, Bush, liberal vs. conservative media, and what have you. I must say this, the liberals are morons! Their contributions to these gatherings are ridiculous, un-organized thoughts and sayings that make no sense, spewed out at inappropriate times. Anyway, I just want to encourage the liberals to get a bit more educated, ya think? Oh yeah, I am a conservative who does not support Bush, that dude is wack.

Thanks, Billy



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