After finishing at Fort Leisure, I still have no clue about what I want to do. Does this mean I got a crappy education or does it mean something worse?

- Barney

Barney,

Put down the bong, pause the X-box and listen. There is nothing wrong with the education you received. The education was probably even above par. What you do need to reflect upon is how the hell you occupied yourself during the six years it took you to complete your degree. An education is only asA0valuable asA0what you put into it. So, in response to your question, it means something much worse. You are confused and unmotivated and perhaps lacking vision. But there is light at the end of the tunnel, most people have no clue as to what they really want to do. You have a lifetime to figure it out. Until then, we are sure there is a bar stool at the Ranch with your name on it.

- Best of luck,

The Divers

Diver,

I wrote recently asking how to make my kids not act so spoiled. They used to complain about not having enough video games, would waste food, etc. Well, to curb this I took them to some of the poorest parts of Mexico. We walked around, and we saw many unfortunate families, without even a piece of bread to put in their mouths. These kids were damn happy! This made my children realize they were spoiled brats. I think it worked, at least it did for now. What do you think, pretty good problem solving huh?

- Mom

Mommy Dearest,

Well done on your part. But do you feel as if a quick little walk around the slums is going to make a lasting impression on your children? We feel that you should be more proactive. Here's the plan: Without consulting your children or other family members, drop the kiddies on the doorstep of one of those cheery Mexican slum houses. Let them experience the life, give them a few discarded hypodermic needles to play with for good measure. Keep them wondering, "Is Mommy ever coming back for us?" Offer to take them back only after their backs have been broken in the fields. This is the only way to truly educate our young.

- Take the extra step,

The Divers

Diver

Election time is coming, and I fear civil unrest in this country. The Bush supporters are so blind, and political arguments with them get very heated. The anti-Bush people are so serious about getting this guy out of office, it's crazy, and they are heated too. I fear if there is any funny business, we'll have a bigger, uglier, more un-organized battle than the Civil War. How can we calm everyone down?

- Peaceful, middle-of-the-road voter in Mancos

Dear P.M.O.T.R.V.I.M.,

It's good that people are pissed. Bravo America, get mad. The current situation is better than four years ago when no one cared either way. Look at what the apathy led to. But I wouldn't be too worried, we are still McDonalds' and Wal-Mart's America; wetoo lazy to start a civil war. Plus we've already tried the brother against brother thing, and we're not into it. But if we ever attacked Ohio, we'd kick some ass. Operation Ohio Liberation.

- Feel the Fury,

The Divers