Hi Diver,

I live on County Road 250, a road with a lot of cyclists. Many of them follow the rules of the road and ride single file. Some don't. When I pulled up beside a group riding side by side and said "please ride single file," I was given the finger. Who do these people think they are? When I have to pass a group of them on a blind curve, only to be met by a car traveling in the other direction, our cars are probably going to crash into them on their bikes! This may rid the world of a few nuisances, but I don't want this to happen. What can be done about cyclists who don't follow the rules of the road?

- Mad Mom

Dear Mad Mom,

Well, let's talk about following the rules of the road...I am somewhat of a cyclist myself. My transmission just went out in my car, so I was forced to cycle to get from point A to point B. I don't mind doing this but, last week when I was following the rules of the road on my bicycle, an SUV not following the rules of the road seemed to be in a hurry to get to the gas station and wasn't observant enough to see me on my bike. The SUV turned left and pulled out in front of me causing me to collide with this big piece of machinery. Somehow after visiting the hospital twice this week and suffering excruciating neck and back pain, this driving mother's insurance company didn't find her at fault ... puzzling isn't it? I think so. Lesson learned: It's a dog-eat-dog world, and unless your spouse is a doctor, lawyer or otherwise has ridiculous amounts of money, you will never be at fault!

- Signed, Anyone know a cheap, good lawyer?

P.S. Cyclists, watch your back for agro mothers driving large SUVs.

Dearest Diver,

I'm in debt up to my eyeballs. Credit cards, student loans and the like. I'm not ignoring my bills, I just can't afford to pay them at the moment. What's the best way to attempt to get out of debt? My credit is shot, too.

- Poor in Bayfield,


Dear Mike,

Oh man! Some times, hard times. I'd suggest relocating ...Asia maybe. You can go and teach young impressionable Korean students English slang and be treated like a star. Or attempt trying out for a professional sport like basketball. I hear these folks make mad loot and own like five different automobiles, one for every day of the week. But, if I were you, I would opt for the pro wrestling bit, you can wear face paint and slam people with folding chairs. You'd be a television superstar and would be adored by rednecks and hillbillies around the country.

- Signed, Marry Rich or Start Playin' the Lottery, Bub

P.S. I've also heard people sell their body parts on the black market. How much are your kidneys worth?

Dear Diver,

I don't know what is worse, the bears who tip over my trash cans at night or the drunks who tip over my trash cans at night! Would it be wrong to set traps, for the bears and the drunks, or should I take this issue up with animal control or the police?

- Lauren

Dear Lauren,

I don't know what is worse, your stupid question, or the fact that I have to answer it. Either way, it's still a waste of newsprint. All right, here goes ...YES!

- Thanks for not writing back, Diver

Diver: Nic, formerly of Coal Creek Corner, Trimble and Durango.

Facts: Nic, another diver forced to leave town for diving jobs that pay a king's ransom.

Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

Are the pharmaceutical companies out to destroy the human race? These new "smart drugs" like Oxycontin are destroying families. Kids are knocking over pharmacies left and right for hillbilly heroin. Why would a company make a drug that is so wonderful, then not do anything to stop its abuse by people who use it only for recreation?

- Douglas,

via e-mail

Dear Douglas,

Besides the time my friend took a Viagra and got it stuck in his throat and ended up having a stiff neck for hours, I've thought these companies have been making progress and producing medicine that cures cancer and helps HIV and AIDS patients live a little bit more comfortably. Since these companies are making drugs that make people feel so wonderful, they might as well make them cheaper and more accessible so everyone can join in on the fun. I don't have a problem with recreational drug use...do you?

- Signed,

"Legalize it, and I will advertise it!"

P.S. Let the leading crop (opium) in Afghanistan be harvested!


I'm writing in defense of the "super store." You know what I'm talking about, that very crowded store south of town that lets RVs park in the parking lot overnight. Well, every time I go to a local "mom and pop" store, chances are they don't carry one of the many things I need. So I'm forced to go to said "super store." The "mom and pop" stores are destroying the fabric of America! Due to their limited supply, I'm forced to go to the "corporate super store." I'm sorry, but corporations make the world move. Do you think?

- BL in Hermosa

Dear BL in Hermosa,

Well, whether people are aware or not, corporations own us all in one form or another. I myself side with you, BL, but I still refuse to spend my money at "corporate super stores" like the one in our town. On that note, what advice can I give, I'm movin'to the city where I hope to not be engulfed by the corporate world. All I can suggest is, make some sacrifices and pay a little bit more to help out "mom and pop" so corporations don't completely take over.

- Signed,

You are living in a material world ... by the way, are you a material girl?






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