Dear Diver,

I have a question about teen-age rebellion. My son just turned 13, and I caught him smoking. He said everyone is doing it, of course, and mentioned something about teen-age rebellion. This is how teen-agers have been rebelling for years! Funny thing is, I smoke and so does his mom, so is that really rebelling? Isn't teen-age rebellion basically just following the pack, which by definition isn't rebelling at all? Shouldn't a rebel teen get good grades, dress nice and not be a complete obnoxious jerk?

- Dad in Durango

Dear Dad,

Sit down with your son and wife. Make sure you have bought as many smokes you (not your teen-ager) can afford, and then double it. This is just the beginning of the rebellion. Now start smoking hard, no stopping. If it helps, just rent the "Blues Brothers." Make sure you throw out all cig lighters. This makes sure for a great chain-smoking adventure. Once you're done, relish that your child and you have shared in the ultimate rebellion stunt. Make sure you video the event. Your child will make a fortune. Hopefully, enough to get your asses out of jail!

-Yeast Wrangler


A few weeks ago in this column another Diver mentioned "skippies" (skater/hippies). This is a mess. I'm a 40-year-old skater and have been skating since I was 15. I'm a punk rocker, skated with Tony Hawk when he was a pup, skated with Henry Rollins, and have been eating smelly hippies for lunch since the '70s. There are no "skippies," only wanna-be skaters who smoke too much dope and wear funny Guatemalan clothing. So I guess I don't have a problem, I just want you to agree that "skippies" gotta go.

- Thanks, Mac

Yea "Poser,"

I have heard those new "skippies" just don't ollie like they used to. They just go way bigger and higher. Maybe Daddy Mac should grow some dreads or maybe put out a video game or two. You could call it "Daddy Mac Smack on Poor American Punk Legends."

-Yeast Wrangler


Why is this country, except in Vegas, so up in arms about prostitution? Isn't that the oldest profession? Sure, having to get a hooker is quite pathetic with so many beautiful women out there, but if someone does want to pay for sex, and another wants to take money for having sex, shouldn't we let them? Why should others care?

- Jim

Dear Jim,

I agree. In fact, I'm pimpin' out the Ska boys on a daily basis. LEGALIZE IT. For more information on the Chicken, Tumbleweed and Billy Goat, call!

- Yeast Wrangler

Diver: Bill and Jeff from Ska Brewing

Facts: Bill and Jeff return from a long absence of diverdom. They produce award-winning beer, and they dish out award-winning advice.


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

My brother just came out of the closet. I don't care, I've known, or at least had my suspicions about him for years. The rest of the family is pretty upset though, and relatives outside of the immediate family are now berating him. How can I get these people to realize he's the same person he was before he outted himself, only now he's open about his sexuality?

- Lars


Let me get this straight. Your brother was in a closet? How long? Did he have oxygen? Water? Food? How the hell did he survive?

- Yeast Wrangler






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