| Dear
Diver,
I have a question about teen-age rebellion. My son just turned
13, and I caught him smoking. He said everyone is doing it,
of course, and mentioned something about teen-age rebellion.
This is how teen-agers have been rebelling for years! Funny
thing is, I smoke and so does his mom, so is that really rebelling?
Isn't teen-age rebellion basically just following the pack,
which by definition isn't rebelling at all? Shouldn't a rebel
teen get good grades, dress nice and not be a complete obnoxious
jerk?
- Dad in Durango
Dear Dad,
Sit down with your son and wife. Make sure you have bought
as many smokes you (not your teen-ager) can afford, and then
double it. This is just the beginning of the rebellion. Now
start smoking hard, no stopping. If it helps, just rent the "Blues
Brothers." Make sure you throw out all cig lighters. This makes
sure for a great chain-smoking adventure. Once you're done,
relish that your child and you have shared in the ultimate
rebellion stunt. Make sure you video the event. Your child
will make a fortune. Hopefully, enough to get your asses out
of jail!
-Yeast Wrangler
Diver,
A few weeks ago in this column another Diver mentioned "skippies" (skater/hippies).
This is a mess. I'm a 40-year-old skater and have been skating
since I was 15. I'm a punk rocker, skated with Tony Hawk when
he was a pup, skated with Henry Rollins, and have been eating
smelly hippies for lunch since the '70s. There are no "skippies," only
wanna-be skaters who smoke too much dope and wear funny Guatemalan
clothing. So I guess I don't have a problem, I just want you
to agree that "skippies" gotta go.
- Thanks, Mac
Yea "Poser,"
I have heard those new "skippies" just don't ollie like they
used to. They just go way bigger and higher. Maybe Daddy Mac
should grow some dreads or maybe put out a video game or two.
You could call it "Daddy Mac Smack on Poor American Punk Legends."
-Yeast Wrangler
Diver,
Why is this country, except in Vegas, so up in arms about
prostitution? Isn't that the oldest profession? Sure, having
to get a hooker is quite pathetic with so many beautiful women
out there, but if someone does want to pay for sex, and another
wants to take money for having sex, shouldn't we let them?
Why should others care?
- Jim
Dear Jim,
I agree. In fact, I'm pimpin' out the Ska boys on a daily
basis. LEGALIZE IT. For more information on the Chicken, Tumbleweed
and Billy Goat, call!
- Yeast Wrangler
|
| Diver: Bill and Jeff from Ska Brewing
Facts: Bill and Jeff return from a long absence of diverdom.
They produce award-winning beer, and they dish out award-winning
advice.
|
|
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the
master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to
life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Dear Diver,
My brother just came out of the closet. I don't care, I've
known, or at least had my suspicions about him for years. The
rest of the family is pretty upset though, and relatives outside
of the immediate family are now berating him. How can I get
these people to realize he's the same person he was before
he outted himself, only now he's open about his sexuality?
- Lars
Lars,
Let me get this straight. Your brother was in a closet? How
long? Did he have oxygen? Water? Food? How the hell did he
survive?
- Yeast Wrangler
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