I work in a hotel. The worst guests, ever - worse than the
bikers over Labor Day (who aren't that bad at all) - are these
huge groups of Baptists that come from Texas. They trash the
rooms, are obnoxious and disrespectful, and downright stink.
The chaperones are no better. How in the hell can a religious
group be so oblivious of its surroundings and so inconsiderate
of others? I'm sick of it.
I think you need to realize that you live in Durango. Durango
is a tourist trap. When the Baptists come streaming in on their
vacational crusade, they're just out to have a good time. You
work in a hotel; you are paid to put up with their holiday
spirits. So shine that badge, brush your teeth and be somebody.
If all else fails, you could just start your own religious
cult and go find yourself a nice piece of land in Austin to
- Excessively, Art & Johnny
My girlfriend just dumped me. I feel like crap. I
know there are "a lot more fish in the sea" as my dad says,
but I don't want a lot more fish. I want her. How can I get
her back? It's not like I cheated on her, she just didn't
want to see me anymore, but I think she still likes me.
First of all, you can't stop calling her. Calling her is very
important. Make sure you call her at least six or seven times
a day; leave messages telling her about how you can't live
without her and that you need to marry her. Girls love it when
you call them at work. Remember the words of a great man "Obsession
is like sitting outside of someone's window with a machete
in one hand and a bottle of Vicks Vap-O rub in the other."
- Most kiddingly, Art & Johnny
I'm sick of double standards! How come when a guy
gets a lot of "action" he's a stud, but when a girl does she's a slut?
What the hell? We women like a little "action" too, you know!
Double standards are like belly buttons. Letters to dishwashers
read: HELP, I AM TRAPPED IN BAYFIELD AND MY BATTERIES ARE DEAD.
I don't know. I'm a diver at a hotel in Durango. My advice
is this: Never ever, under any circumstances buy drugs from
- Ciao, Art & Johnny
Johnny and Art from the Rochester
Facts: These two know the true way to a woman's heart and also are well versed in what
not to do when around people of the cloth.
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the
master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to
life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at firstname.lastname@example.org,
or by fax at 259-0448.
Whatever happened to the popularity of muscle cars? I mean,
there ain't nothing like a good ol' '69 Corvette, or a classic
Barracuda. Do chicks still dig muscle cars?
These days, women lean more toward the boyfriend that calls
them at work all day long, or screams under their window at
night; but never fret, for you, too, can find love! It's true!
The Razor Scooter can be your flight to love. No woman can
resist a man who can grind a 6-foot rail on the sleek edges
of a Razor. But when in doubt, go with a personality or go
with a Subaru.
- So much muscle, Art & Johnny