My readings are left in nature and my thoughts follow the same swing, but sometimes it seems just too much reality of reality. The feelings of being overwhelmed and ineffectual make me want to escape into those soap commercials of the '60s. So after hours and days of reading and following the world events, I long for a Twinkie, a Hummer, pop music, or just a momentary belief in a conservative falsehood. Would this be my relief from my reality? Would this be my outlet from taking action, from making a difference?

I am not the only one that fantasizes about temporary conversion of ideology. My friends around me profess the same moments of escapism.

A friend of mine and co-worker in our progressive music community radio station in Quincy, Calif., admitted that sometimes she turns the dial to the pop station in town to just to get a fix of the '80s music that aired when she was in high school. My rail thin girlfriend admits to me that she sometimes buys a bag of Cheetos and pounds them down like golden spikes in the train tracks to cellulite heaven. For myself, biking up Horse Gulch a couple weeks ago on a vacation to Durango, I was almost run over by some gonzo downhillers that drove me off the smooth pack into the rocks and bushes. Scrambling to get back onto the track left me thinking what collateral damage I could have done if I had only bought a Hummer instead of pedaling a Diamondback X-6. So maybe we all have moments where we tip-toe across the line just to check in and see if our chosen paths are really the way we want to go.

So as I continue to read and continue to be exposed to the current events of the world, I am torn between making a difference, learning more or just plain giving up and tuning out. The items I read, for example; the May issue of the Progressive , an article details how the Bush inner circle handles their own who are outspoken on the current policies on terrorism or war in Iraq. In the same issue of the Progressive , David Barsamian interviews Noam Chomsky, who restates his preference for Kerry stipulating that Kerry is only a fraction better than Bush. Chomsky also seems resigned. Or perhaps the movie "Windhorse" about modern Tibet that played at the Abbey Theatre a couple weeks ago. Watching the Sony Handy cam movie, secretly filmed in Tibet, I exited the theatre that evening wanting to help the people crossing the Himalayans with a donation. Sure, my 60 bucks will buy them a real cool looking winter coat for some winter Himalayan trekking or English classes so they can understand the VOA broadcast, promising a better life in the world under "our" oppression by the Bush war machine. But would my actions of a donation really make a difference?

I am told that what I read or watch above is called agit-prop by the right. That agit part could not be truer. As I read, I certainly get agitated, but propaganda, I doubt it. How could words or movies that expose corruption and an uncaring attitude for people or the environment we live in, be propaganda? Yet, I admit I read, watch, learn and it agitates me.

A momentary break from the agitation might be listening to pop music over the sound of crunching Cheetos in a Hummer, however the issues will still be there when the Hummer runs out of gas.

A friend of mine invited me to a Democratic function next week, I declined. I'm all ready on board if not overboard. I thought if I want to make a difference then maybe I could attend a Republican event, find out what they are up to. I will be a leftie in sheep's clothing. I could subvert them by whispering words of kindness in their ears. I might mold a few minds there, even if ever so slightly. So maybe that is where my efforts to making a difference could help?

It turns out that what I read and watch, while admittedly agitating me, are also providing me with the answers to my over stimulation and feelings of loss of ability to effect a change.

Remembering how I left the Abbey, shaking the hand of the Tibetan guest for the evening wanting to help the Tibetan cause, I reflected on what I could really do to help. I wanted to believe that sending money would help; deep down there was a feeling that it would, but I was missing something, a certain click that would let me know that I was making a difference. Writing about and reflecting on what I read, the answer to how I felt was sitting right there in the Progressive interview, where Chomsky said in effect, you're going to have an effect a fraction at a time, it's not gong to happen over night but that fraction "can translate into large outcomes." Maybe writing this piece will help, maybe my 60 bucks will help, but whatever it is that's going to help, it's going to be a fraction at a time.

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Wake up to what is about to happen

This we all know: The Christ will teach you to care. Lucifer/Satan will brainwash you to not care.Your actions/in-actions will earn your just rewards. Please wake up to what is about to happen.

God forbid but, what if there were another globalist-funded 911 type of event and, according to plan, it prevented the election thus making Bush/Cheney dictator while at the same time placing you all under martial law lock down? Could this happen? Did 911? Your freedom and rights are now permanently gone!

If you have any record at all or are caught outside, you are an enemy combatant and will be machine-gunned down along with your family just like in Iraq. And the draft you were all told about has just sent your children, male and female 18-39, off to war with Syria and Iran.

Do you care?

All this, according to the documented "PNAC" plans of the neo-cons running this madhouse administration and their masters with the Illuminati "Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion." Isn't it funny that there is no real aggressive campaigning for the Bush camp, and that there are reports of some of his big city campaign offices being closed?

Do you care?

Refuse to be a part of either of the main political camps because they are the same old Skull and Bones Luciferian/Satanist garbage either way.

Do you care?

If you continue to remain asleep, unprepared and careless about such possibilities/probabilities, then this all may become a reality sooner than you think.

Remember this: Freedom is prerequisite to spiritual growth. Without it, there is no growth. If there is no true spiritual growth in a society, it too will go the way of the dinosaur.

Do you see this? Do you hear this? Do you care?

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