I’ve been trying to cure my 3-year-old from
sucking her thumb. Her pediatrician said not to worry about
it because her peers will tease her and she’ll stop. I
decided to tease her into stopping. You know what, it worked?
Do you think this is OK, a father teasing his kid into breaking
– Patrick, via e-mail
Talk about tormenting your child for life! I know I sucked
my thumb when I was growing up, but I eventually grew out of
that phase just like many other children did and had to get
braces. Just wait till your kid is old enough to razz you. Don’t
worry; tease now and forever know that your child will get you
back tenfold when you have a head full of gray hairs by the
time your kid is 13-years-old.
– Signed, You might as well bea
U.S. prison soldier in Iraq
think American kids are getting weak. My friends’ kids
get three recesses at school, and you can’t even spank
kids without some stranger stepping in. I was whipped with a
switch, played all day without water, and managed to live, strive
and survive without video games. That’s not the case for
kids in America these days. They are babied and lots of American
kids are fat-asses, too. Should we be tougher on our kids so
they don’t grow up to be spoiled jerks?
– Wondering, Mona
Have you ever wondered who is raising these fat ass American
kids? That’s right85it’s you, sucka! It’s
called learned helplessness, and these impressionable kids learn
from good ol’ ma and pa first. As for the question, should
you be tougher on your kids? Well, when I was young and did
something wrong, my dad would sometimes ask me, “Do I
need to talk with my hands?” No sir! But look how I turned
out. For a living, I now cook and wash dishes and watch your
little brats so they don’t drown in the pool while they
swim. I guess I would suggest the old snapping-the-belt scare
tactic to get ’em in line. I thought that seemed to work.
Also, it might help to try watching some “Charles in Charge”
re-runs, he always seemed to keep ’em in line.
– Signed, Hope your kids have fun at
Why do people from Texas who vacation in Durango
act like morons? Why do people who move here from Texas, mostly
wanna-be hipsters from Houston or El Paso, say they are from
Austin? Is Austin the only cool place in Texas?
– Your friend, Dave
Please excuse me but Texans are morons. Have you seen who our
President is? Honestly, I’ve never been to Texas, and
I never plan on going there...EVER! But to help rationalize
why the folks from Houston and El Paso say they’re from
Austin, I suggest you get yourself a gun rack, grab your bag
of tweed and take a little road trip, bub. Good luck rollin’
through the Lone Star state and getting back to me after you’ve
answered your own question.
– Signed, I’m never going to
P.S. How can you tell if someone is from Texas? You can’t
’cause they always tell you first.
Nic Cleveland, of Coal Creek Corner
Facts: Pulls dirty kids out of the pool
by day, and dishes out of the sink by night.
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the
master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to
life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at firstname.lastname@example.org,
or by fax at 259-0448.
What is the normal cycle for “trends?”
I mean, the whole hippie trend has always been around, but it
flourished in the late ’80s. I think we are seeing a ’70s
trend now. Is it every 20 years? Why does this happen? Why does
the world revel in past experiences of popularity?
– Concerned pop culture expert
Dear Pop Culture Expert,
Props to my friend Steph who introduced me to a label for a
newer trend of folks which occupies Durango; “skippies”
(skater/hippies). Now that Phish is dead, hopefully the “skippies”
will die out and another old trend will not re-appear such as
Prohibition, cause lord knows I can’t go on without beer.
– Signed, See ya’all on Phish’s
final summer tour