I just found out my younger sister has been sleeping with her college boyfriend. She’s in 11th grade, and he goes to the Fort. First off, I don’t think it’s too cool for a college student to date someone in high school. Second, I don’t want him sleeping with my sister. I’m not the “older brother” type who hassles guys who date my younger sister, but now I want to be. Should I handle this myself, or turn her over to my parents?

– Concerned bro

Dear Concerned bro,

This is tricky. Do your parents know that your sister is dating a college guy? If not, you should confront your sister about it first. Explain to her your concern and the safety and family risks involved with premarital relations. Explain to her that as a brother, her safety and health are foremost and that you simply don’t approve. If she is not getting the hint, threaten to turn her in to the parents. Then go give that college kid a firm talking toA0and make him think twice about messing with any boy’s little sister again.

– Good luck, Diver

Dear Diver,

I was goofing off on the internet recently and got into a dating chat room. I met this really nice girl, and we hit it off immediately (well, as much as you can hit it off with someone on a computer.) Now she wants to meet face to face, which I don’t want to do. She lives in Grand Junction, so it’s not like she’s traveling far to get here, but I just fear she isn’t going to be hot (I know that’s shallow, but I’m just being honest). Should I just break this off?

– Douglas


Man, don’t judge the situation until you’ve fully embraced it. This could be your one chance at real love and you are being shallow? Man, maybe you should get out of town for the weekend and go visit her. I hear the fertile climate of Grand Junction produces some pretty fine vixens. You might want to wait until the first weekend in June when the moon is at its fullest and everything will flow.

– Good luck and hyeah,

Delirious and deleterious Diver Dan


My softball team sucks, and I want to quit. However, the other players on the team are all my friends, and I don’t want to let them down, but I just can’t stand going out to the fields every week only to be killed. Do you think if I quit the team the other players would be mad at me?

– Kid in Left Field

Dear Kid in Left Field,

Really, don’t give up on your team. This could be a crew of unfound talent. Friendship is the first key to teamwork, and you are all buddies. Perhaps you should have a pre-game party and show the other teams how much fun you have. Maybe you could get a few star players to convert. It isn’t over until it’s over, and your team needs you. Go out there and hit a home run.

– Your Diver Dan





Diver: Dan Grinnan from Mama’s Boy

Facts: Despite the backlash from the middle school community last time Dan was the Diver, he has decided to continue his advice dispensing because his advice actually makes sense.


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I quit smoking about 11 months ago. Things have been going good, I haven’t gained weight or anything, but my stress and anger level has risen quite a bit. Now any little thing sets me off. If I get stuck at a red light, I cuss. If someone cuts me off in traffic, I give them the finger. If I catch my girlfriend cheating on me, well, we haven’t gotten there yet, I don’t know what I’d do. Probably start smoking again. What can I do to curb the anger?

– Lars

Dear Lars,

First and foremost, change your name. It will give you a renewed sense of self and the whole world will begin to change in appearance. It’s all perspective, man. I think you were angry long before you took that first cigarette. So look back and find what is really bothering you. Is it your mom, your dad? Maybe sexual tension is the real issue here. I think it’s great that you have quit smoking, but the new challenge is to get that anger in check. Are you good at softball?

– Hoping not to see you at a red light,

Diver Dan





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