| Diver,
What is the best way to lower stress? Exercise?
Better diet? Drinking? My friends always say when I’m
stressed about work, relationships, etc., to have a drink, but
I don’t want to! Your thoughts?
– Jim
Dear Jim,
Three words: Strawberry blunt wrap. Now pass that Duchy to
the left hand side.
– Fightin’ the Man
Diver
Dear Diver, I’m
new to town but don’t kayak, climb, mountain bike or even
hike. I’m starting to wonder why I made the move from
the East Coast. What can I do to fit in?
– JR
Dear Suki,
First of all, stop showering. Next you should dress up in a
Spandex biker outfit and go around town telling fellow bikers
how kickass you are. Buy them shots and you’ll have friends
in no time.
– Wu Tang forever,
Diver
Diver,
Recently, I came home one evening and my wife had
three friends over. I pretended like I went to sleep, but through
clever placement of the baby monitor listened as these three
women talked about which guys in the office they’d like
to sleep with, who they slept with in college strictly for cocaine,
and how much they like to drink. Should I let my wife know what
I know about her?
– Guy with a
loose wife in Hermosa
Dear Guy,
Oh, that’s your wife? We ran into her and the gals at
El Rancho. I think you should take her to the Maury Povich Show
and find out if you are in fact the father of the child. The
results are in!
– Grab a sack,
Diver
|
| Diver:
Tim Bates of Lady Falcon-burgh’s Barley Exchange
Facts: Tim is the only diver
from Oklahoma who has been known to be sober for more
than 10 days.
|
|
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the
master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to
life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Diver,
Are there any more “frontier” towns left
in the country? You know what I mean, places like Silverton
or Durango used to be, before wealthy people from the suburbs
of Chicago or L.A. came in and ruined everything?
– Ted
Dear Ted,
You’re in luck because one of the greatest frontier towns
in the country is right around the corner. I’m talking
about a little place called Mancos! In fact, Durango’s
neighbor to the west has taken out its stop light, the movie
theatre has turned into a silent reel that only plays “Jurassic
Park” and to top it off, the evenings are filled with
beautiful blue light explosions.
– Appettit 400,
Turd Ferguson
|
