Dear Diver,

What’s a good response when a potential boyfriend asks the number of people you’ve ever been with? In my case, the truth stings, but for other single ladies out there, what should be the “proper” answer?

– Questioning, no regrets

P.S. Diving is excellent.

Dear Questioning,

A good response would be to be honest. Everybody has a past that is their own business. Anyone that’s going to judge your past is lame anyway. For me, as long as your “number” isn’t increasing by more than me while we’re together, the past is done. You might want to see a doctor about that sting though; passing on the sting is real rude.

– Diver

P.S. Mmm... diving.


Why don’t people who ride road bicycles observe traffic laws? Do they have to? I’m talking about road cyclist athlete types and the typical person blowing through the stop signs at Eighth Street and Third Ave. It’s crazy out there.

– Barrett, via e-mail


In the case of the “road cyclist athlete types,” it is because they are way higher on the social and evolutionary ladders. Just ask them. As for the typical person blowing through the stop signs at Eighth and Third, natural selection has a funny way of eventually taking care of them. I relish every stop sign. If nothing else, it’s an opportunity to smoke.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

How do I keep my kids from “web surfing” to inappropriate pages? There are so many disgusting web sites it sickens me, and it seems like any type of parental block program doesn’t work. There is just too much smut. What can I do, because there is good stuff on the internet as well?

– Miffed Mom

Miffed Mom,

Too much smut? The only real solution would be to kill your computer. I thought the smut was the good stuff on the internet. Perhaps there is an Amish military school you could enroll them in. Check the web. Start your search with “smut free Amish,” yousure to find something informative.

– Good luck, Diver





Diver: Squeak from Guido’s

Facts: From diving at an upscale deli in North Durango, Squeak has become well versed in computers, natural disasters and the doling out of semi-decent advice.


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Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.


Is Durango due for a flood anytime soon? I just bought a house by the river and now I’m getting concerned. What about that “hundred-year flood” thing?

– Mark


There are no floods, rock falls, fires or any other sort of natural disasters here in Durango. Hundred-year flood thing? That’s a rumor started by hippies. If you’re really concerned, your house should be worth $7 million in a couple of weeks and you can move to Silverton, a beautiful town where they never have avalanches.

– See ya, Diver





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