| Diver,
I know you get a lot of letters regarding problem
neighbors, so here’s another. My neighbors, who I’m
assuming are pseudo hippies (they constantly crank Grateful
Dead and Phish) leave trash all over their porch and yard. The
street and sidewalk are littered with cigarette butts and the
porch is a mess of beer bottles. How can these morons promote
“loving the earth” when they can’t even respect
the plot of land the house sits on?
– Concerned peace-loving
humanitarian who talks the talk and walks the walk
Dear Concerned,
“One man gathers what another man spills.” Do you
know anything about good music? You amateur, too bad Earth Day
just passed. Where were you on that one, you Reagan lover? But
wait, there’s still time. Durango spring clean up is under
way, we suggest you lend your neighbors a hand. Give them a
rake and some garbage bags and help them clean up that plot
of land that is such an eyesore. While you’re at it, lend
them your collection of Lionel Richie and Neil Diamond and maybe
your Michael Jackson “Beat It”CD and everything
will be OK.
– Signed, The Twelvers
Diver, Why is it that the rich get
richer, yet the poor stay poor or even become more poor? It’s
not fair.
– Hopeful future homeowner
Dear Hopeful,
Less is more, stay poor. I assume you live in Durango 85 how
many jobs do you have? How many hours a week do you work? Right,
that’s what we thought 85 we suggest you stop crying and
start pickin’ up those pennies. Be grateful for what you
have now and please 85 don’t vote for Bush again.
– Signed, The Hard Times Lounge Crew
Dear Diver,
Do peace-folk singers really want peace? People like
Woody Guthrie, Joan Baez and others sing of change, but once
there finally is change, will they be out of a job?
– Curious
Dear Curious,
Change is inevitable, dude. Don’t worry, we now have
so-called jam band, peace-rockers like the String Cheese Incident
with “change conscious” lyrics like, “Close
your eyes and look inside, see what you can find, open your
mind, take the time, learn from the soul.” (We didn’t
really know those lyrics, but thank god for the World Wide Web!).
And thanks to the String Cheese guys too. I don’t know
what the whole music scene or our society would be like without
them 85 psyche!
– Signed, Keep on Rockin’ in
the Free World
|
|
Diver: Nicholas
and Todd, of Coal Creek Corner
Facts: Hard-timers from the business
formerly known as Johnny McGuire’s
|
|
Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Diver,
I caught my girlfriend making out with another dude
the other night at a local drinking establishment. She told
me she was going to bed early because she had to work the next
day. So I go out for a beer, and I practically walk right into
them. She says she was drunk and is very sorry, but I’m
not sure if I want to let that be an excuse for cheating on
me. Should I forgive her?
– Kurt
Dear Kurt,
Buck up little camper, you don’t lose your girlfriend;
you just lose your turn. There’s plenty of fish in the
sea, just not in Durango. We suggest you grow two of ’em
and dump her. Good luck, Rookie!
– Signed, The Real Men
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