| Dear
Diver-
I’m bi, and I want to start dating my own
kind, but I’m afraid to get in a relationship with someone
else who is bi because they could never be faithful. What should
I do?
– Sittin’ on the Fence
Dear Sittin’ on the Fence (wow, that must hurt!)
We have just the date for you! A bi friend of ours is going
through the same thing. Our friend, “Pat,” has been
meeting people in chat rooms. “Pat” loves pizza
and always asks chat friends to meet at Home Slice. “Pat”
has been stood up two Friday nights in a row. Get off your fence
and get down to Home Slice. “Pat” will be on the
patio, rain or shine, with a slice of pepperoni instead of the
traditional red carnation.
– Good luck, Divers
Diver, How
do you keep up with the fast and ever-changing world of home
electronics? I’ve watched the world go from LP, 8-Track
and Betamax to DVD and MP3. It’s taken me 15 years to
get my CD collection hip, and even longer for my record collection.
My 1,000-film library of VHS tapes now seems outdated. Where
do I look to see where the next hot trend of electronics is
coming from, the one that will make my DVD collection outdated?
– Kevin in Fort Collins,
via e-mail.
Kevin in Fort Collins, STOP.
Just received your wire. STOP. Curious to know why you chose
Durango Divers as technological advisors. STOP. Only new tunes
we have in town come from our banjos, fiddles, hearts and souls.
STOP.
Keep yodeling. STOP.
– Divers. STOP.
P.S. C.J., we know it’s you. STOP.
Diver,
My husband just switched to decaf. However, he is
still uptight, easily agitated, hyper, and on edge. He thought
it was caffeine making him that way, but I think it may be time
for therapy.
– Anxious but mellow wife
Dear Wifey,
Sounds like your husband fits the bill of most middle-aged
men who come visit us on Friday nights for a good time. We recommend
two Negra Modelos, some mango habanero and a fist full of Loretabs.
Maybe it’s not the lack of caffeine that’s keeping
him on edge (wink, wink). If therapy and all else fails, send
him to Montana with Daddy, and if you’re feeling froggy,
take yourself to Home Slice this Friday.
– Be careful out there!
Divers
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|
Diver: Jen,
Jackie and Bree from Nini’s.
Facts: Coworkers that drink together,
stay together.
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Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions
to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask
the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn
Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com,
or by fax at 259-0448. |
Diver,
My wife and I are arguing over the summer vacation
again. I want to take the family camping in Montana. She wants
to go to Wildwood, New Jersey (don’t ask.) Of course,
time and money mean we can only do one thing. How can we settle
this diplomatically?
– Depressed Dad
Dear Daddy,
Who the hell wants to go to Montana? Isn’t that just
a flat, urban wasteland? We’ve heard tell of untapped
resources under the Jersey turnpikes. Unlimited litter makes
for great campfires, and you never know what transient wildlife
you may encounter. If a compromise can’t be reached, definitely
divorce. Women are always right, and you should move to Montana.
– Happy trails!
Divers
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