Dear Diver-

I’m bi, and I want to start dating my own kind, but I’m afraid to get in a relationship with someone else who is bi because they could never be faithful. What should I do?

– Sittin’ on the Fence

Dear Sittin’ on the Fence (wow, that must hurt!)

We have just the date for you! A bi friend of ours is going through the same thing. Our friend, “Pat,” has been meeting people in chat rooms. “Pat” loves pizza and always asks chat friends to meet at Home Slice. “Pat” has been stood up two Friday nights in a row. Get off your fence and get down to Home Slice. “Pat” will be on the patio, rain or shine, with a slice of pepperoni instead of the traditional red carnation.

– Good luck, Divers


How do you keep up with the fast and ever-changing world of home electronics? I’ve watched the world go from LP, 8-Track and Betamax to DVD and MP3. It’s taken me 15 years to get my CD collection hip, and even longer for my record collection. My 1,000-film library of VHS tapes now seems outdated. Where do I look to see where the next hot trend of electronics is coming from, the one that will make my DVD collection outdated?

– Kevin in Fort Collins,

via e-mail.

Kevin in Fort Collins, STOP.

Just received your wire. STOP. Curious to know why you chose Durango Divers as technological advisors. STOP. Only new tunes we have in town come from our banjos, fiddles, hearts and souls. STOP.

Keep yodeling. STOP.

– Divers. STOP.

P.S. C.J., we know it’s you. STOP.


My husband just switched to decaf. However, he is still uptight, easily agitated, hyper, and on edge. He thought it was caffeine making him that way, but I think it may be time for therapy.

– Anxious but mellow wife

Dear Wifey,

Sounds like your husband fits the bill of most middle-aged men who come visit us on Friday nights for a good time. We recommend two Negra Modelos, some mango habanero and a fist full of Loretabs. Maybe it’s not the lack of caffeine that’s keeping him on edge (wink, wink). If therapy and all else fails, send him to Montana with Daddy, and if you’re feeling froggy, take yourself to Home Slice this Friday.

– Be careful out there!






Diver: Jen, Jackie and Bree from Nini’s.

Facts: Coworkers that drink together, stay together.



Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at, or by fax at 259-0448.


My wife and I are arguing over the summer vacation again. I want to take the family camping in Montana. She wants to go to Wildwood, New Jersey (don’t ask.) Of course, time and money mean we can only do one thing. How can we settle this diplomatically?

– Depressed Dad

Dear Daddy,

Who the hell wants to go to Montana? Isn’t that just a flat, urban wasteland? We’ve heard tell of untapped resources under the Jersey turnpikes. Unlimited litter makes for great campfires, and you never know what transient wildlife you may encounter. If a compromise can’t be reached, definitely divorce. Women are always right, and you should move to Montana.

– Happy trails!







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